I've been a close friend with him for 20 years, since we were teens. He’s previously alluded that we should’ve dated. However, he's had several relationships and is currently separated after a five-year marriage.

I haven't had any serious relationships - perhaps because I've been afraid to get hurt, or was busy career building.

Recently, he's been in contact more and very touchy-feely. I'm not sure I want a relationship with him, but I'm not opposed to including certain benefits.

I'm not sure if I'm his type (physically) and I’m not as experienced as he is.

Am I asking for trouble? Can we truly be friends even after being intimate? Should I take the risk that I'll be heartbroken?

So Uncertain

You carry so much fear of getting hurt or distracted from your goals, that you put up roadblocks before even knowing your own feelings.

Decide whether you like him romantically. “Not opposed to benefits” is not an emotionally honest answer.

He’s showing interest, so stop questioning his “type.” He knows you 20 years, so is aware of your inexperience…. and may prefer that to women who’ve been around a lot.

Worrying about future heartbreak reveals some feelings for him. All relationships involve some risk. That’s what makes the good ones so special.

Go for it.

My boyfriend and I are both mid-20s, together six years. He’s a wonderful partner, and we often speak about marriage and moving in together, once we’ve paid off our student loans.

However, I’m not sexually attracted to him anymore. We once had great sex, but now I find it a chore I almost dread. I do it to keep him happy. I don’t think my libido’s the problem because I masturbate.

We’ve tried to "spice things up" but my first reaction is to push him away. Sometimes I actually cringe. I can't imagine spending the rest of our lives like this but I love him and can't imagine being without him either.

He’s noticed this change and it hurts him, makes him worry and feel insecure. What can I do? We cannot afford couples therapy.

Conflicted

Do him a favour and take a full break. You’re building resentment towards someone you claim to love. Worse, he’s being repeatedly rejected, without knowing why.

It’s a terrible dynamic and unspoken tension, which will ultimately destroy any “love.”

A relationship that started in your late-teens may now have you relating far better as best friends than lovers. If so, you both have to know this and accept it.

Affordable counselling’s offered through student services in some schools and locales. You may want to seek it, personally, to understand why your feelings changed.

My parents are constantly buying gifts for my husband, my brothers, and me. It’s part of our family’s culture.

However, it makes my husband uncomfortable, thinking they’re trying to buy his affections. I’ve explained that it’s cultural, and because they love us, and don't expect anything in return.

He’s asked me to tell them to stop buying him things. I want to support him, but I don't want to hurt my parents.

Torn

His discomfort may have to do with his status in the family, especially if your parents are much more affluent, or exert strong influence on you.

Explain that gifts make him uncomfortable but you want their company instead. Have them visit and see him as the main provider in your life.

This may ease any insecurity so that he can be more adaptable to cultural differences.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose mother, 80, neglects her personal hygiene (August 31):

Reader – “My husband and I have dealt with three parents with dementia. The first thing this family must do is get Mom to her doctor for a complete physical and mental assessment.

“It’s possible that she’s in early stages of Alzheimer's disease. There are a number of medications that will help offset some of the symptoms for awhile.

“The local chapter of the Alzheimer's Society often has support groups which can help with strategies for dealing with the irrational decisions that people with dementia make, such as not changing clothes and not bathing. That’s a very common issue.

“It’s very important for adult children to be on the same page where their parents' health is concerned. Their dad may be able to help their mom manage for a while, but as the disease progresses the caregivers often need assistance.”