My parents have never been easy on their adult children’s significant others. My husband of one year wanted a relationship with them. We visited (500 miles away) many times before our wedding. They gave us a very generous sum for our wedding and honeymoon.

However, their focus on money and our families’ differences often entered their conversation.

My father actually asked if his family (rural-based) would feel uncomfortable coming to a posh wedding.

My husband later told me how disgusted he was by it, sick of always talking about money, and how it was always noted he was still a stranger to them.

I literally yelled at my dad about each point. My husband hasn’t spoken to my parents since. He said he’d never visit them again and didn't want them in our house.

My parents have never understood how their words and behaviour have affected the rest of the family and friends. They’re both older and will never change.

I’m stressed about talking to my husband about all this and even feel the same with him as when I’m approaching my dad to discuss something.

I want us to be an invincible team and for him to know that I understand how ridiculous my parents are sometimes.

In the Middle

Stand firmly by your husband, who’s been insulted and hurt. Open any conversation by stating your support and understanding.

But DO explain that you don’t want to feel intimidated by him, as you once felt about your father.

He, too, must accept that to be a team you need to be able to discuss difficult topics on which there are differences. If you can’t, then couples’ counselling can help you both get past the tendency toward a dynamic of power and intimidation.

He’s right to be angry at how he was treated. But you and he can set boundaries for your parents and try one more visit… if they behave badly, then you’ll have to see them on your own.

I’m a widow with a handicapped son who drives with hand controls, and heard that Grandma was going to give him her car.

Weeks later, Grandma said his aunt and uncle wanted her car so the uncle would give my son his car. Now my son must pay “vehicle-transfer” taxes whereas a car gifted from a parent or grandparent doesn’t get taxed.

He lives with me, has major debt, and can't afford the transfer. His present car is only worth scrap value $400.00. My brother-in-law and his wife earn much more than me.

I’d never say anything to my mother-in-law; she’s unaware, and meant well. This brother and sister-in-law recently built their house on the family cottage property with an in-law suite for her. My in-laws had once wanted to give us the cottage but we declined so all the grandchildren could enjoy it. She and her late husband said they’d make it up equally, in their will.

Hurt and Frustrated

The fact that these are cheap, self-serving relatives is not news to you. Little will change them.

Help your son the best you can. He should get financial advice from the bank regarding his debt.

Grandma should go over her will with a lawyer while she’s of sound mind, as it seems this couple will continue to try ways to get what they want.

Meanwhile, find out if they and Grandma can gift each other their cars, so she can then give “hers” to your son, tax-free.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person who wrote about the neighbor’s barking dog (June 15):

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