My husband of two years and I have a wonderful son, age one.

I’d met someone three years ago, we emailed infrequently at first, but much more this year.

I’d immediately liked him, and these feelings have deepened throughout my marriage.

However, he’s in a long-term relationship with his live-in girlfriend.

He knows about my feelings, and said that he likes me too. But I think he simply likes being liked by me.

I know this is wrong and is never going to lead anywhere. I also know it’s causing serious distraction from my marriage and my potential for happiness in it.

My husband knows about this “affair” and has asked me to stop the communication, which I’ve (mostly) done.

But how do I stop thinking about and wanting him? My mind and my heart are an untamed force. How do I get control?

Untamed

It’s no coincidence that you’ve encouraged this distracting daydream to run rampant during your baby’s first year and your still-early marriage.

Compared to all the new responsibilities and adjustments, an “untamed heart and mind” provides easy inner escape.

You stop a fantasy by getting real. Your flirtatious communication is hurting your husband and the connection you two urgently need. You’re playing with fire.

Ask yourself how you’ll one day explain to your son that you neglected to nurture your marriage, which eventually pushed his father away. That’s where this kind of emotional affair can lead.

There’s a huge difference between a private “crush” and carrying a visible torch for someone who’s as involved elsewhere.

Use your yearning for affection and sex play, in your own marriage bed.

If you feel blocked, talk to your doctor - in case an element of post-partum depression is affecting you. Seeing a therapist will also help you.

My girlfriend, in her early-30s, got married recently. She was engaged when we’d met, which she hid until the last moment.

I told her to tell him the truth. I also texted him saying that he can call me and I'll answer any questions. He called, and then hung up.

I was prepared to marry her.

We’ve been talking since the wedding and she said we should meet up but we haven’t yet, though there’s been much crying on both sides.

I’ve tried to be her friend, but told her that if we keep talking, he’ll find out.

I’ve discovered that she chose him because he won't leave her (she’d had many traumatic relationships plus a friends-with-benefits thing).

She says she felt we’d be better together but she wasn't 100% sure.

I've realized (and she somewhat admits) that she cheats because he's not on the same professional level as her (and me).

I asked her to leave him but she said it’d cause too much shame. She’s never said she loves him.

Is it better that I get out of this, or force her to confront the damage she’s caused and, as a friend, help her pick up the pieces after?

I’m 90% certain I don't want to be with her anymore.

The Boyfriend

Take a 10 percent loss and run from this drama.

This woman is no child – she’s an adult, and a professional – who’s a user (of you and others), a liar, and a cheat. That’s evident what you’ve described.

Whether she tells her husband the full truth should no longer be your concern. She’s NOT been a friend to you, no matter what happened sexually or emotionally when you were dating.

I’d heard talk of layoffs so I joined a project team to show that I’m valuable to the company.

A co-worker on the team soon invited me to go for a drink. But I worried it’d affect my job, so I said I wasn’t interested in him.

Six months later, I now work in a separate branch.

I’d like to see this co-worker again, because he was smart, kind, and decent.

How do I take back what I said without looking like a fool? Do I just contact him?

Second Chance?

First, find out whether he’s still single (I’m assuming he was when he invited you for a drink, or else forget it).

Then contact him. Be casually friendly.

Explain that when he invited you for a drink, you were too afraid of the layoff rumors.

His response will tell you whether he took it as an insult, or is pleased to hear from you.

Either way, apologize.