My fiancé recently got a physically demanding job, which he's not used to doing.
He's 23, and very physically fit. But he's so exhausted when he gets home, he won't talk to me about anything but work complaints. Now he refuses to set a wedding date. We want a house first, but I want to start saving for our wedding.
He makes WAY more money than I do, so it's hard for me to save anything.
I don't want an expensive wedding, but he still thinks I want to spend thousands of dollars.
Why won't he discuss anything about the wedding with me?
You’re being “Impatient,” just when he’s newly stressed and unhappy at work.
This is NOT the best timing for discussing wedding details.
Also, no matter how modest your bridal wishes, weddings still stretch finances, especially if buying a house is part of the plan.
Remove the pressure.
Tell him you now think it’s best that he takes some time to adjust to his new job before you have the conversation about house hunting and wedding dates.
If you can stick to that plan, he’ll know he has a true partner in you.
I’m concerned for her my sister’s well being, as she’s acting like a stranger to me, instead of my best friend. She recently left her husband (he was shocked and devastated) due to unhappiness in the marriage, and she refused marriage counselling.
While she claims she wasn’t unfaithful, rumours started even before the split.
I still had my doubts (gut instinct) but I trusted and supported her. My husband and I offered her our basement for her and her daughter, ten, for as long as she wanted/needed. My (ex) brother-in-law has been informed, during their separation, of many instances where she’d been seen before the split in compromising situations with one man.
This man’s vehicle was recently seen at my residence while my family and I were away on vacation.
Though it disturbs me that my sister would bring a strange man into our home, worse is evidence that they slept in our bed.
I feel as though I’m being cheated on. I realize this is not about me, nor anyone in the family, but about her. I want to say to her: Come clean! Tell me the truth! I don't know you anymore!
I feel there’s something much more to this, something psychological. I’ve recommended a counsellor – to no avail.
She’s slightly obsessive, most recently with severe dieting. I want to help her get better. She’s lied wherever possible, is up and down emotionally. I think she’s hoping for me to "kick" her out, so she has no choice but to run to this man. I’ll never do that, for my niece’s sake. What do I say?
Shocked and Worried Sister
Say you love her.
It seems that she felt her ex-husband didn’t.
An unhappy marriage, plus self-image problems (the “severe” dieting), can push a person to seek love/attention elsewhere, and keep secrets even from closest family.
She does need a process of counselling to move from acting out, to making a plan for herself and her daughter’s future.
But for now, confessions about having an affair or even using your bed, pale in comparison to the upheaval in her life.
If you continue to show understanding and acceptance that she’s in personal turmoil, she’ll hopefully calm herself and may consider counselling – if presented not to “fix” her, but to help her.
My sister and I are seniors in different cities. When I see her, I’m appalled at her outrageous statements and beliefs learned from our mother (e.g. that cucumbers and milk, taken together, are toxic).
She only had Grade Four education, and is also very superstitious.
If I try to correct her, she says I’m putting her down and being arrogant.
Yet her ignorance and attitude have cost her many friends. She has two intelligent daughters in her hometown who might’ve helped educate her, if she’d let them. She has a computer, but won’t subscribe to the Internet.
How can I/we help her without offending her?
Her daughters have the better chance at it, but they too mustn’t embarrass or demean her.
They could start by alternately taking her to a library and using the Internet with her, accompanying her to documentary films about topics that interest her, even suggesting going back to school.
Readers: More ideas?
Tip of the day:
Delay detailed planning when a partner’s current job stress is high.