I recently left my (second) husband of 19 years. I’d had three children with my first husband, and left him when my youngest was age four.
He’d been abusive, alcoholic, and used some drugs. He's clean now, and my kids are all in their 20’s – well-adjusted, educated, and wonderful.
They have a good relationship with their father and so do I.
My second husband was wonderful to my kids and me, but some alarms sounded regarding his lies around money.
Sixteen months after we married, I got a sexually transmitted infection (STI), which we both blamed on an unwashed bathing suit I’d bought.
Several years later, he kept mentioning a female co-worker. When questioned, he called her fat and ugly.
Two years later, I found emails that proved they were having an affair, plus other emails to two other women.
Looking back, their seven-year affair was obvious. But I never thought he would cheat. We decided to work on the marriage. Then I discovered thousands of dollars had been spent on gambling.
I didn't want to be divorced again. It took me almost five years to leave him, just two months ago.
My family and friends all know that he lied and cheated on me for years. But he’s charming and manipulative, and recently introduced some of them to his "new" girlfriend.
They stay connected to him and I feel so betrayed. A few friends have resisted, but I feel my family should support me and keep him away.
Betrayed by Family
Take the high road by not telling people how they should support you, instead.
Just say that he’s out of your life for good reasons, which they know.
Let them realize his manipulations for themselves.
Over time, decent people will see the lies. Some may even get caught with him in financial losses, through his gambling.
(You should certainly warn your adult kids against this, if they see him).
Otherwise, walk away from conversations about your ex with those who’ve stayed connected to him.
You’re the wise one who’s moved on. You now need your energy for taking further positive steps in your life.
My son married a woman who badmouths everything about his life when growing up, which I find insulting.
It seems that the fact that we were affluent enough to have a nice home, and pay for his university education, apparently means we “spoiled” him.
She’s from a different background and constantly comments about his “having had it easy.”
Meanwhile, he’s a hard worker and they’re doing okay.
Recently, we offered to pay for a post-graduate course he needs, to advance in his field, and she shot us down, saying he’ll have to wait till they’ve saved for it.
I think she’s a control freak. I can barely stand talking to her anymore.
Proceed carefully with your daughter-in-law. If she is controlling, and reacts by cutting you off, it’ll harm your relationship with your son and any grandkids they may have.
He’s stayed with her, so he obviously didn’t feel insulted. Rather, he’s motivated to work hard.
Perhaps, the desire you show for him to take post-grad courses and “advance,” is more your interest than his. They may both feel it means you’re not satisfied with what he’s achieved already.
Back off. He knows he can get financial help from you if he needs it. Show more emotional support for their decisions about his future, and by showing pride in what he’s already done.
We’re a small team in a company that requires a professional manner. One female co-worker’s creepy and makes me uncomfortable.
She follows me and two other females around, stands up when we do, sits by us in the lunchroom, etc. It needs to stop.
She acts desperate to be our friend. I talk to her when she says something. But she’ll usually say it quietly or takes it back if no one else agrees.
We just wanted to get away from her so had lunch across the street, and she followed us there.
I need a good way to tell her to leave me alone. I don't want it to look poorly on me.
Your unprofessional behaviour already looks poorly on you three. She’s been hired in a position equal to yours and you’ve responded to her shy awkwardness with meanness.
Grow up and include her. Before management sees what’s really creepy in your department.
Tip of the day:
Let those who befriend your ex learn about him for themselves.