I fell in love with a man I met while on vacation. He made it known very early on that he was married with children, but we really hit it off. We both live in the same city and I asked for his e-mail under the pretense that I wanted to send him photos that I’d taken of him.

After returning home, we e-mailed for a bit and then he stopped contact. I was (and still am) devastated. I'm not normally someone who falls in love easily. My rational mind knows that there was nothing there to begin with but my irrational heart refuses to accept it.

How do I convince my heart to listen to my mind?

Broken-hearted

Write a note to your missing self-esteem.

Explain that you foolishly thought “hitting it off” with a married man with children was enough for him to leave them.

Tell any shred of self-esteem left, that you also thought a man “on vacation” on his own, was looking for a serious relationship and not a fling.

Then promise yourself you’ll get real about what happened - you ignored truth, and logic, and “fell in love” with a fantasy in your own mind.

It’s your soul you now need to listen to, i.e. the part of you that cares about not relying on a stolen quickie affair to feel good about yourself.

Do NOT contact him again. Move on.

A close relative celebrated a milestone anniversary several years back. We were invited to the party, but it was planned only a week in advance.

It was being held the same week as my birthday, but their anniversary wasn't for another month and a half. They knew it was my birthday, and they knew my spouse had plans for my birthday.

Yet they were very upset when we said we couldn't attend because one week was too short notice to cancel our plans.

We apologized, but said we'd gladly take them out on a separate day to celebrate. That didn't go over well, and they didn’t talk to us for weeks, because we “obviously didn't care about them.” They eventually did talk to us, and we took them out to celebrate.
Several years later, they still make passive aggressive remarks ("That party was great, wasn't it? Oh wait, you weren't there.") They also ignore our anniversary or our birthdays.

We've heard from other relatives that they still talk about how hurt they were that we didn't care enough to prioritize them, and they've told other relatives that they're purposely avoiding our celebrations.

I'm tired of all this stuff, despite that we've apologized a number of times. How can we tackle this so it doesn't continue to affect our relationship with them?

Fed-Up Family

This doesn’t sound like a great relationship to maintain, unless these people are related so closely – e.g. in-laws – that you must keep seeing them for larger family harmony.

Next time there’s a snide remark, the blood-related spouse (you or husband) says, “Our celebrations are important to us, too. That’s why we celebrated her birthday on the day, but we’ve apologized for missing your anniversary. There’s no need to mention it again, unless you’re trying to break up a family. We’re trying not to do that.”

It may sound harsh, but they’ll push you away anyways unless they stop, or you stop reacting to it, and just laugh (which may also insult these self-absorbed folks).

In college, I made casual friends with this guy. We see each other every few months. I attended his birthday party last year, didn't know anyone among his close high school and neighbourhood buddies.

His crowd wasn't my group of guys, but I still enjoyed myself.

This year I didn't receive a birthday invite. I don't feel annoyed or hurt, just happy that I didn't need an excuse to not attend.
I've invited him to my birthday parties, and he’s attended.
What should I do for my future birthdays - include or exclude him? I don't like to play the equivalent retaliation game.

Social Dilemma

He’s sent you a social clue, and following his lead is not retaliation. It’s the way casual connections come and go.

He realized that the friendship is only occasional, and between you two guys, not your separate groups.

Contact him when you next feel like it and don’t mention the birthday.