After living together for a year, my girlfriend suggested that due to our work stresses, different schedules, and both finishing up our Master's studies, we needed a break in our relationship.
I said, since we couldn't break our lease, we should keep working on our relationship until the break.
One evening I went to my second job (bartending) but was let go because it was slow. I messaged her and she said she was walking in the park alone.
I tried to surprise her ... and found her lying in the park with a man from her work.
She was dumbfounded and explained that nothing was happening, she was with him because I was always working night shifts, and he was a mentor in her department at work, etc.
After several weeks we were talking again. The second bomb happened when I opened my computer to see her open email to him, with sexy photographs, and messages about vacationing in Mexico in a few months. This happened two days before we were set to move into separate apartments.
Only six months prior, we'd talked seriously of rings, and marriage, and now we don't even talk, period. (I've instituted the no-contact rule).
Is there any chance of salvaging this relationship? We both acknowledged that we love each other, but that space was needed to re-evaluate the relationship.
Take a long break.... up to a year. She's not seen this as a time for re-evaluation; she's shopping for Mexico and "trying on" this other guy.
She's shown clear signs of uncertainty about where you two are headed long-term. Those talks about rings and marriage likely sparked her thinking about whether she loves you for now, or forever.
If this break helps you both miss each other and want to be together, you'll move forward quickly when you re-connect. If it proves otherwise, better to end it before you get in deeper.
My fiancé and I began our relationship four years ago. Every time I left their house, his mother commented about my being overweight (their entire family's overweight.)
I could lose some weight, yes, but it's not affecting my health and lifestyle. She's also tried to convince him that I've lied to him.
Now we've moved in together, just down the street from his family home. (Against my better judgement, but the opportunity was too good to pass up). Every time he visits without me, she comments about my weight. She also says I'm rude the way I speak to her son.
My fiancé now tells her that he doesn't want to hear it, or turns it around on her and asks how her diet (failure) is going. When she sees me, she acts like we're best friends.
I've never tried so hard to gain someone's acceptance, always polite to her and her family, and respectful. Yet, I've never despised a person more in my life, and I can't handle it anymore.
Move. It's crisis control, rather than accept this great "opportunity" to have your fiancé constantly at hand for his mother's negativity.
Also, tell him to stop reporting her nasty comments to you. Every time he sees Mama, he brings you another piece of this bitter pie.
You made a huge mistake in accepting this location. And you make a worse one by hating this woman, because you're letting her win the emotional battle over her son. Stop reacting to her every comment. And, move.
I have a wonderful 14-year marriage. But our problem is that my mother-in-law has gone from packrat to hoarder. There's major hoarding in her basement and all up the stairs. She struggles with the main floor, too.
I can't speak to her about this... she's cordial but never been warm to me. My husband's also not very close to her. Should he speak to her about this? I feel he should, but he's reluctant.
Hoarding is a serious mental health and personal safety issue. If unchecked, his mother could end up with a house fire, or other damage to herself and the house through falls and other accidents.
Her son must express his concerns for her safety, and insist on a professional clean up (she won't do it herself). If she reacts badly, he must try to convince her to get a "health check" that includes therapy for her hoarding.
Tip of the day:
A break needs to be long enough to know what you miss, and don't miss.