Last year, my wife of 20 years took a teaching position in another city; my son and I remained here. She’s returned for another year as we need her income and she cannot find work locally.

I’m finding the long-distance relationship very difficult. My wife’s a workaholic. I feel this neglects our son and me. He’s beginning to write her off, and I’m tired of defending her to him.

For me, sex has become very difficult, as she’s unwilling to chat or try anything, though I’ve expressed my needs.

I’ll never cheat but am considering parting ways. Several women have expressed interest, which I’ve not considered, but they make me think about moving on.

Sadly, while she was home this summer, everything was great between us, romantically and as a family.

Married Lonely Dad

Your wife’s working for the family’s financial needs. She’s more alone there.

Your being tired of “defending her” to your son is unfair. You both chose this course. Supporting it is essential to his not feeling abandoned.

Paying attention to women’s predatory interest is also unfair. You can’t send her away then claim neglect.

Meantime, your relationship’s strong, sexual, and romantic when together. What’s missing seems all about your wanting sexual release through online chats with her.

It’s well known that women’s sexual fulfillment generally starts with emotion, not just solo physical activity. As a male, nothing’s stopping your ability to self-pleasure, fantasize, etc.

Your two cities (kept confidential) aren’t that far apart or expensive to reach by train. Find ways to get together more often on weekends and holidays.

“Moving on” would be self-centered and more harmful for your family than discussing other options e.g. each of you earning added income while staying together next year.

I'm married, with a son. I've been with the same man for four years. He's a US Marine.
I love him, but not romantically anymore. All we’re doing is surviving. I'm 21. He's 22.
I started a new job, a guy was training me, and I fell for him.

He loves his girlfriend of eight years who lives elsewhere. But we’ve been hanging out (nothing sexual).

We’ve kissed and danced and run together, and I’ve taken him on a few adventures to little-known places. We have a "spiritual connection,” he says. With him and his girlfriend it's just "physical and emotional.”

I can't stop thinking about him. But he can go all day without texting or talking to me.

This never happened to me before. I feel dirty and rejected. But I really do care about him.

I know your advice is going to be to let it go and stay faithful, but I'm sick and tired of not being happy with my husband. He's away on active duty. So it's not like I can ask for a divorce immediately.

Marine’s Wife

Love at 17, alone with a child at 21, a Marine’s challenging duties - these are choices you made when very young.

Now, still young, you’re trying to force another problematic choice – escape from loneliness with another woman’s man.

He’s loyal to his girlfriend. That’s not rejection, he’s doing you a favour of trying to NOT hurt you.

Protect yourself from your own immaturity, and also protect your son’s emotional security.

Get counselling through the armed services or privately. Maybe you’ll separate from your husband, and have a clean slate to find a love relationship with someone else. Maybe not.

But blatant cheating won’t solve your current situation.

Can you advise me about some good counsellors in my city? I’m 26, in an arranged marriage of six months.

My wife’s talking to her ex and two more guys.

Rough Start

I don’t recommend specific therapists, but can help you do a skilled search on your own through my website, www.ellieadvice.com. Click on “Find A Therapist” on the home page and you’ll learn what to ask in choosing the “right fit.”

But first, consider what each of you expected from marriage and try talking about it on your own.

Or, is there someone respected within your community, with whom both of you’d be comfortable discussing this, either separately or together?

You both need to understand what each of you brings to the marriage – past friendships, feelings of what’s acceptable from a partner, and what’s not.

Most important is the willingness to hear each other, and try to adapt or reach compromises.