I’m 49, dating an Italian man, 43, for four years.

I’m a single parent of four children, with two still at home. I've raised my children by myself for years - usually holding two jobs.

My boyfriend has always lived with his mother – man of the house since age 16. His Mother acts like he’s her husband.

I've been a dancer these four years. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs.

His family doesn’t approve of me, despite my previous 20 years full-time military service. Even before his family knew I was a dancer, his mother called me a “whore.”

My boyfriend says he stands up for me, but I've frequently heard that word from him and his family.

Whenever we have a problem, he goes to Mama's place.

For a year I've been asking him to move in. But, despite that I met him as a dancer and he's been frequenting strip clubs since age 16, he wouldn’t move in until I stop dancing. He’d then need to get a second job, but didn’t.

I have strong feelings for him and he’s given me a promise ring.

However, he left me four weeks ago to date a "good, Italian girl,” whom his mother and aunt have approved.

- Mixed messages

The message is clear: He belongs to Mama and whomever she’s stamped “approved.”

Think: Good riddance, as it’s unlikely you’d ever feel truly valued by him again.

Your first clue was his attitude toward your dancing, once the word “whore” was allowed to air. Since he made no move to help you quit, he wasn’t there for the long run.

Remind yourself of your accomplishments, recognize that you’re finished with this weak-willed Mama’s boy, and start looking for someone who’ll appreciate you for who you are.

He was my best friend for 17 years; then we decided to date and it was good until he cheated, then left me and his child behind.

Now he and his new family have destroyed my car, slashed my tires and thrown eggs at my house.

I went to the police and got a restraining order but he breaks it. The police they say they’ll talk to him, but things just get worse.

My child is deathly afraid of him, has nightmares, is scared of late night noises, and asks me if Daddy came and did bad things last night.

I’ve gone to court about this and they haven't done anything.

Now he’s moved closer, in the next block and my child is afraid to go outside to play. This is making my child closed up.

What can I do ?

- Confused and Tormented

You need a lawyer and, if hiring one is unaffordable, you should seek legal aid, citing the harassment involved and the harm to your child.

Meanwhile, keep a record of every incident that happens – the date, the time and the activity – to show to police when you call them (continue to do so), and to a judge. Only detail events that actually happened, not your expectation that something will occur because he lives closer.

But your child’s fears need to be addressed as soon as possible. Try to NOT express your worries about future troubles to your child. The youngster would benefit from counselling to help with nightmares, and get relief about normal nighttime noises.

When you talk to a lawyer or a court clerk, ask for a referral for counselling for a child caught in this hostile situation.

My boyfriend of six years and I are talking about marriage. However, recently, my mother caught him smoking outside.

I’ve always been clear that smoking is a deal-breaker for me – but he’d quit several months before we met.

It turns out he was sneaking occasional cigarettes, and smoking daily whenever I was out of town.

I was most devastated by the deceit.

He apologized but now gets indignant that I’m upset when he smokes, as he still considers himself a non-smoker.

- What to Do?

Decide whether it’s truly a deal-breaker - if it is, break up - or whether you mostly feel like you’ve lost control.

If the latter, approach him as a concerned partner rather than his commander. Say that you fear for his health (and yours, second-hand), understand that quitting is difficult, but will work with him on any cessation program he wants to try.