I did an awful, awful thing: I was at my boyfriend's house (we've been dating for two months, but were friends for years before) and we ended up in his bed cuddling and kissing and then just lay down together.
I do like him a lot, but lately I've been stressed, wondering whether I want to be in a relationship right now. The sparks that where there at the beginning have disappeared.
Neither of us had ever dropped the "L-word" before, and love was nowhere near what I felt for him. But after laying in silence a long time, he said he loved me.
I should’ve said I don't feel that way yet; that I'm not ready to commit to that; that I need more time, but instead I opened my big, stupid mouth and said I loved him too.
Now, every time he says it and I say it back I get the worst feeling in my stomach. I said it because I wouldn't have been able to stand the look of disappointment on his face otherwise, but I cannot stand lying to him for a day longer. What do I do now?
- Big Mouth
You know what you have to do … but you didn’t have the guts; it was more about you not wanting an awkward moment, than about saving him from disappointment.
Stop the lying, immediately. Or you’ll do something even stupider, like provoking a fight, or cheating on him - all of which leaves you looking the jerk in this phony relationship.
Act like the grown-up you’ve pretended to be and speak honestly. Tell him: Two months is just a beginning, not a commitment. You like him and enjoy his company, but there are not enough deep feelings for either of you to mistake for love and settle too soon.
Then, stop seeing him and let him get over it with dignity, by you tightening your loose lips and keeping the story private.
I’m 35, my boyfriend of one year is 50. He’s been divorced for 10 years and lives his sister and nephew. We meet once a week for just a couple of hours; he can never sleep here with me because his sister is “waiting for him.”
When we go out, I’m the only one paying for everything, even the gas for his car. I don’t mind because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him.
He never calls me if I don’t call him. He says he loves me, too. Should I continue this kind of relationship?
If you like feeling insecure, having sex with someone who gets up and leaves afterwards, paying for companionship, all with no hint of a future, then sure, this guy is the perfect mate.
But I don’t believe for a minute that you’re happy with his “do-for-me” deal. You’re only in love with wanting to be in love … this guy gives nothing back in return, other than ridiculous excuses and false words.
Dump this User. You don’t need him. Instead of paying his way, spend your money on going to recreation/activities where you’ll meet people who can become true friends for companionship and/or potential dates.
My close friend always “plays to the room” – whenever he tells me a story, he looks around, even to strangers, to make sure they’re listening. I don’t want an audience for every private conversation.
Don’t have private conversations with him, unless you two are alone.
My mother moved away when my father was abusive; she lost contact with her siblings. Now she’s moved closer, but they're still critical. How can we get family to "forgive?"
Display your own support. Try to arrange casual get-togethers for you both with each sibling. Don’t discuss the past. Time may mend the rift.
I’m having a small wedding without children. My parents think an invitation saying, "Followed by an adult reception at ..." is inappropriate.
But some people bring their children despite to whom the invitation is addressed. How can I politely avoid this?
Some parents will still ignore the exclusion or criticize you for it, no matter the wording. So it’s best to be unmistakably clear, on both the invitation AND on an enclosure saying, “Children are not invited to attend this small, adult-only wedding.”
Now, think ahead on what you’ll do if and when someone still ignores the message.
Tip of the day:
A lie to save embarrassment only makes you look worse the more you repeat it.