I’m in my 40s, male, married four years, we argue all the time. I work seven days a week.
If I make a mistake, I admit it and apologize; she thinks she’s never wrong and never apologizes. If I visit my family, five or six times a year, I have to go alone. She doesn’t like them.
Last year I got too close and romantic with a co-worker. But we broke it off and she quit.
Now, over any argument, my wife brings that up, although she said she forgave me. I offered counselling for both of us, but she said there’s nothing wrong with her.
I still want to go to help myself first, so I’ll know if this relationship is good for us or not.

- Wits’ End

It’s a positive step to know you need personal counselling to figure out what you want for your future.
You’ve been sending your wife mixed messages about being in the marriage, and that’s contributed to her argumentative ways: You had an affair; and you’re rarely home.
Unless you’re in dire need of a 7-day income, constantly working signals that you have no desire to be home.
As for the affair: “forgiveness” isn’t all that’s needed. Couples need to talk out why it happened, and the changes needed to ensure it won’t happen again.
If your personal therapy helps you re-commit to your marriage, spend more time at home and communicate more, your wife will be far more likely to join you in finding ways to re-connect.

I'm 29, and suffered a miscarriage two months ago at almost 9 weeks.
One of my co-workers was pregnant "accidentally." It was extremely painful for me because I went through lengthy fertility treatments to get pregnant. I had counselling to handle my grief, anger and jealousy.
At work, I've tried not to be emotional. However, my co-worker, seeing that I was "acting" normal, keeps bringing up insensitive topics, like "I don't know if I want this baby."
I distance myself; I’m going through treatments again and can’t deal with her pregnancy.
My colleagues have planned a surprise shower. I don't want to go, but fear being seen as pitiful and unkind. I also fear I'll end up resenting the baby as well.

- Mommy wannabe

You’re being hard on yourself by not taking more time to mourn this loss and not continuing with counselling help.
While miscarriages are, unfortunately, extremely common, they’re unique to each individual; in your case that includes the difficulty of getting pregnant.
This has nothing to do with others’ experiences of how they get pregnant, or feel about it. You need to protect your emotions during this period; it’s perfectly acceptable for you to say to your co-worker (and others) that you’re still very sensitive, and though you wish her well (which ultimately you will, for every baby deserves to be welcomed), you can’t handle pregnancy conversations or showers these days. Then, give her a gift, but don’t attend the event.
Experts say the vast majority of women who go through miscarriages do eventually go on to have healthy children, so stay positive and healthy as you work through the steps of grief toward healing from it.

• For more information, see www.americanpregnancy.org. The American Pregnancy Association is a health organization committed to promoting reproductive and pregnancy wellness through education, research, advocacy, and community awareness.

• Recommended Reading: Surviving Miscarriage: You Are Not Alone by psychologist Stacy McLaughlin.

I’m in my early-20s in a two-year relationship, planning marriage in two years.
My boyfriend’s desire for physical intimacy isn’t strong. We both still live with parents; we visit each other, and watch TV.
He’s never initiated sex. He says we don’t have a safe area to have sex.
I feel rejected, and unattractive, so I skip meals or over-exercise.
Recently, I discovered he often searches for online pornography - he denied this.
He insists that when we’re married we’ll have sex all the time.

- Will he change?

Go camping, borrow a friend’s apartment, do anything to see what happens when sex is accessible.
Most young men find all kinds of places to get physical, but your guy sounds like he has hang-ups. If he’s willing to acknowledge this and work with you on developing intimacy, fine.
But if he prefers a secretive retreat to pornography, there’s trouble ahead.