For eight months, the courting was fantastic; he took me on trips, showered me with affection and attention. But one day when left alone in his bedroom while he was at work, I found a bag with women's products, perfume etc. In his drawers were her bikini, and silky nighties mixed in with his clothes.
He later confirmed it belonged to his ex, but said he’s been too overworked and lazy to deal with it. He said he had no feelings for her; he just got too busy to throw the things out - though there’s a garbage chute near his apartment door.
On my request, he threw everything out in front of me.
Should I block my pain, or block him from my life?
I now compare myself to her: Her silky “nightie” versus my “jammies.” Maybe I should try something sexier.
I feel he’s the best thing that happened to me, but I also feel hurt and betrayed. Is this a red flag?
There’s not much more he can say, except reassure me that I’m the only one he wants. But I’m feeling an emotional resistance wall inside.

- Betrayed

You’ve got the guy, while she’s lost both her nightgown and him, so you can stop dwelling on comparisons.
Unless you have strong suspicions that he’s still seeing her, your insecurity needs to also get dropped down the chute. If he was keeping the items as mementoes, he’s since learned it was a stupid, hurtful mistake.
Moreover, the fact they weren’t tucked away for safe-keeping is pretty good proof that he was just lazy - and yes, thoughtless - about leaving it there. Give him a chance to prove what he says.
Meantime, it doesn’t hurt to spice up your approach sometimes, for your own sake – pajamas don’t have to be old flannels.

After dating a guy for over two years, I moved in with him. We get along great; however, his daughter, 25, and son, 28, still live here too.
We’ve had a number of discussions over the last year about encouraging them to move on. We have little privacy.
I have to label the food I buy so it doesn’t get eaten.
They don’t share in household responsibilities.
I’ve raised my kids and want a relationship that just includes us.
I suggested that I move and he’s asked for some time to think things over. It’s been almost two months and I’ve seen no evidence that he’s brought up the subject to them.

- Need Advice

You need a clear plan for yourselves and for these adult children, not labels to separate your foods.
Reluctant Dad should’ve long ago discussed with his children your moving in and ensuing changes. But it’s not too late for him to insist they come up with a time-line for when and how they’ll move to a more independent life.
Your guy is doing all of you a disservice if, as I suspect, he’s afraid to talk straight to them – or you. They may need help getting started, e.g. with finding apartments and/or the first few months of rent.
In the interim, you ALL need to discuss boundaries for privacy and sharing household chores. But remember, this was the children’s home before you; the transition calls for understanding and patience on your part, too, as you all work out a new family dynamic.
Otherwise, all the relationships here will suffer.

I’m 20, and recently started a relationship with a man who’s 39. It’s not about the money, or the sex.
However, we both understand that’s what people would think if they were to see us together.
It bothers him more than it bothers me. So we agreed to keep the relationship a secret... although that's not what I wanted.
I'm unsure what to do, or if this relationship will last.

- Under Wraps

Refuse to stay hidden from view; this was only a one-sided “agreement.” It’s HIS problem, and he needs to be clearer with you about what the relationship is about, rather than with others.
Healthy relationships inevitably need air – i.e. a degree of social interaction and outside stimulation. Relationships that stay in the shadows usually involve at least one partner who’s not truly available, emotionally or legally.
Check this man out further before you plunge deeper into the dark.