I’m 57, dating a young woman 34 – she’s wise and natural, and also a tough woman. We’ve dated for three years, lived together for 18 months, but since she moved in, our sex life has diminished greatly. 

She often spends time on her My Space page, and spends a lot of time with friends. I’ve confronted her about these issues; she says she’s not fooling around but has issues in trust. I understand her past and treat her as fragilely as I can.

I truly love her, but my trust issues about her are making me think twice.

I don’t want to follow her, but I also don’t know how to get our love life where it used to be.

- Lonely Guy

You’re both using “distancing babble” about trust, instead of really talking. 

As a partner, she needs to explain why there’s less sex, and why she’s avoiding your company.

You need to say directly that you feel hurt, lonely and suspicious. You also need to be open to hearing whether there are disappointments for her, too.

If you can’t have that conversation on your own, you should have it with the guidance of a counsellor who’ll draw out the underlying reasons for this change in your intimacy.

But, if either of you is unwilling to pursue that discussion, recognize that the relationship is no longer working and a break-up is imminent.

My mother-in-law rarely visits our baby son, which hurts my husband. She’s twice-divorced and still dating and working, and often says she’s too busy or tired to come over. 

I like her, and don’t need her to baby-sit, but I’m resenting how she makes her own son feel!

- Concerned Wife

Leave the mother-son relationship to them (which has its own history), and work on yours with her. Take the baby to see her when you can, call her, and let her know how her grandson is progressing. 

You’re both busy women and can relate to each other respectfully.

As the baby grows and they become familiar with each other, changes will naturally occur.

My long-time friend constantly cancels plans with me at the last minute (via texting) claiming she’s “sick.” 

We’re both in our 20’s.

I’d believe her except it happens so often. It makes me think she doesn’t value our friendship.

Recently, she cancelled plans last minute for a really important event. I was so angry that I confronted her (via email), and called her a flake and told her that I wouldn’t tolerate her always cancelling. She responded that I was the one to cancel on her and I’m the flake!!

I’m shocked, because it seems I’m always begging her to go out. Should I try to fix things for the sake of our friendship or should I forget about her?

- Frustrated

This so-called friendship has too little personal contact for either of you to feel connected anymore. 

Stop text messaging and emailing and get together… go to her place, or meet for coffee, so you can talk face to face. Ask how she really feels about going out socially – she may not be as outgoing as you are or gets too tired after work, etc.

Also, listen to her side: She may feel that you’re the one not showing interest in more casual get-togethers.

You may still be able to be girlfriends, but need to stop relying on each other for things the other doesn’t enjoy.

How do you break a curse or spell someone has put on you?  

My luck has been horrible the past few years and getting worse. I’m almost afraid to get up in the morning.

I know that I shouldn’t believe in such things… I’m not a kook, just in a lot of emotional pain.

- Sick and Tired

If you continue to allow yourself to believe that you’re already doomed by an outside “spell,” you’ll keep expecting to fail at everything. Even small steps forward will seem meaningless, as you’ll only see the setbacks. 

If, however, you bolster your sense of confidence through every means possible, you’ll find yourself rising above this current shadow on your outlook.

Talk to a professional therapist about your emotional pain, and explore what inside forces are making you feel so negative and hopeless.

See your doctor, too, as medical treatment can also help lift your gloom.