My current boyfriend and I feel like soul mates, and we have amazing chemistry.
I’d dated my previous boyfriend for five months. We stayed good friends afterwards, then argued, didn't talk because I started dating. Lately, we reconciled.
We realized that we have a bond that goes even deeper than romantic feelings alone.
Nothing could break that bond, because he loved me so much. He proved me wrong on all the reasons we broke up.
I know that I’ll soon have to choose between my two loves.
My boyfriend still wants me and loves me very much, even though I told him all this.
With my ex, it feels like we can go through hell and back together.
No matter whom I choose, I'll be hurting the other.
What To Do?
Stop seeing both “boyfriends” for a month of searching your own soul.
If you’re looking at the long-term, ask yourself which one’s a true partner beyond the intensity of romance and break-ups.
Whom can you trust more in tough situations? Who will support you even when you don’t agree?
If you’re NOT looking for a serious future, and just loving having a relationship with both men, know this: Eventually, they’ll both dis-trust you unless you choose one fast, and stay with him.
My fiancé’s daughter, nine, recently started staying with us five days weekly.
She shares a room with my daughter, 14.
My fiancé still pays child support to the mother.
She’s the only child in their extended family. So she gets whatever she wants.
When we go to a store, she has to have something, and he'll never say No – though he’s been unemployed quite a while.
When they're together, she interrupts me, and he'll stop listening to what I'm saying.
I end up walking alone, while they walk together holding hands.
I'm working extra hours to keep bills paid and buy food.
But after work and me making dinner, he'll cuddle with her on the couch, rubbing her feet or back, while I sit by myself. This happens almost daily.
If he gets an odd job, instead of giving me money towards bills, he'll buy her things.
I didn't receive anything for Christmas, my birthday, Valentine’s Day, or even our anniversary.
All of these financial issues are taking me away from things I could be doing for my own children.
Before his daughter moved in, he’d rub my feet or back, cuddle and watch a movie, etc. No more of that.
On a rare occasion where he'll correct her, she pouts and he'll hug her, apologizing.
He's very critical of my children. My son, 12, is intellectually gifted, respectful, shy, and quiet.
My daughter also gets good grades and is respectful. But housework got ignored, which was my fault.
He pointed this out to me and I changed it. They now clean up after themselves daily. But with his daughter, he picks up after her.
I love him, but there are so many issues.
We’re intimate only once a month. He blames his medication.
She moved in recently, so his excessive attention was understandable. Now, you have to point out the financial unfairness and relationship neglect.
He can get his child support lowered by the court, since she’s staying with him more than her mother.
And he must contribute to bills or you won’t accept the unfairness long.
You owe it to your own children to stand up for yourself and meet more of their needs.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman’s concerns about her sister, 30, who’s in constant crises, repeatedly evicted, and planning a big wedding though she and her fiancé are unemployed (April 15):
Reader – “I think that, just maybe, the sister is suffering from a personality disorder.
“I was troubled that this possibility was not presented in your response.
“Persons with such disorders can destroy families. And I believe their children are at a far greater risk of adopting similarly troubling behaviour after such parental experiences.
“I’d like to see this possibility explored a bit in your column.”
Ellie – I’m hoping that readers will follow up and tell their stories of how they dealt with a relative with personality disorder.
In my response, I focused on the family re-establishing a relationship, helping her gain skills and confidence to get a job.
I also suggested contributing to her kids’ education and role-modelling stability by having them visit grandparents and aunt for extended periods.
Tip of the day:
“Loving” two men is a tough game to maintain without losing the trust of both.