My fiancé’s father is a drug addict in his 40’s, currently living on disability cheques in a filthy apartment shared with a crack addict/alcoholic and his addicted girlfriend.

There are usually people using drugs or vagrants sleeping in the hallways.

I hate going there, and hate it worse when my fiancé visits – often alone late at night or with her younger sister. (I’m either working or busy).

We MUST see him as he gets his cheques sent to us. We’ve invited him to stay with us, but he doesn’t want to - we live in an affluent one-bedroom apartment on the ninth floor.

I feel he’s a mooch and a con artist.

Before his injuries, he’d only contact us when he wanted something.

Am I wrong to ask that my fiancé stop visiting her father there and ask him to meet her somewhere?

I fear she’s in danger from any strung-out junkie who’s figured out she’s always carrying a cheque.

- Anxious

Your concern is valid, but make sure your motive is equally real. You should’ve long ago worked out how to accompany her when you’re not busy, or working.

It’s apparent to me – and her - that you’re looking for ways out for yourself, too.

You both need to sit down, talk openly and agree on how to handle this man and your involvement with him. He’s part of the package she brings to the relationship, so better to face up to this reality and seek solutions.

You’d both benefit from attending meetings where you’ll meet others who deal with addicted relatives – for peer support and sharing ideas on how to handle them.

Contact Narcotics Anonymous for information on support services for those dealing with people addicted to drugs. See www.na.org.

For our 40th anniversary, our adult sons arranged a dinner out for us all, then realized the younger one wouldn’t be able to get there from his work.

So they next arranged a brunch.

Then the younger one feared a dress code, and decided we could change the restaurant.

My oldest refused because plans had already been changed.

His brother said he wasn’t going, but he’d take us out another time, so we went off with the oldest son and his wife.

The younger one later e-mailed me all upset, that we should’ve gone somewhere else to be all together as a family.

Should we have handled this differently?

- Messed Up

I’m betting this sibling rivalry was all too familiar to you!

It’s time they find a new way to relate and stop expecting you to come up with solutions (as I’m sure you always did).

Sure, you could’ve insisted on another date convenient to all. But you didn’t, and they should’ve figured out that compromise.

Tell your upset younger son that you love them both equally, they were both equally wrong, and you’ll all feel better when they start co-operating instead of competing.

My husband had a brief affair last year, confessed, and through counselling we’ve rebuilt our marriage.

But he still wants to keep contact with his ex-lover, as “friends" and responds to e-mails from her.

He travels for work and will be in the area where this woman lives. I trust him but I feel this “friendship” is an emotional betrayal.

Am I overreacting?

- Hurt and confused

He can’t stay connected to an ex-lover and say there’s no emotional tie anymore. If he doesn’t get it, it’s because he doesn’t want to.

You’re not overreacting: keeping contact is in conflict with his renewed commitment to you, and is misleading the other woman.

Our daughter-in-law does almost no housework, doesn’t cook, leaves her dog’s messes while she’s online, and forgets to do laundry.

My son isn’t much better but at least he works.

They’ve moved in with us to save money because their baby’s due soon, and she’s left her job.

I’m left doing everything after my work day.

- HELP!

Set up a household schedule and firm rules: Either they both pitch in, or they move out.

If necessary, be prepared to loan or give them first and last month’s rent, to get into their own place.

Also, she can look for part-time work from home (e.g. online jobs) as soon as she’s settled into motherhood.

If you don’t set limits now, you can expect to add diapering, baby’s laundry, and frequent babysitting to your chores.