I’m 39, mother of two; I met my husband in my early 20s. I “learned” to love him as he’s a great husband and excellent father.
Two years ago I began an affair with a co-worker, despite that he frequently treated me badly by lying and rejecting me sometimes. Still, I enjoyed the passion and excitement.
My husband discovered the affair and was devastated but willing to work on our marriage because he still loves me and wanted our children to have the best life possible.
I continued seeing the other man until the affair ended this year… with me heartbroken and depressed.
I don’t love my husband. We haven’t had sex since the affair started, and I still won’t let him touch me. I stay because I’m afraid of what separation will do to my kids. But every night in bed is like sleeping with a stranger.
He says he wants to be “a hero for the kids” so won’t go out with other women as I’ve encouraged him to do.
I don’t know how long we can keep this up.

- Devastated Still

Get a grip on your own runaway emotions, and the destructive charade you’re playing out in your home.
You and your husband both have raising children to consider, and should realize it’s not best done by martyred mothers and desperate fathers who are strangers in bed.
Have the courage of your convictions: You felt free to have an affair and expose your children to that potential scandal. Summon the dignity now to live a truth, not a lie, and decide to either stay as a wife – getting appropriate counselling on how to re-connect as a couple - or separate.
It is NOT a “best possible life” for children to be in an environment such as you describe – filled with rejection, tensions, and regrets, which will only get worse over time, and on both sides.
If you think it’s “okay” for Hubby to now have affairs, while you stay “for the children,” you’ve got a distorted view of what a healthy home life is all about.

Dear Readers: When it comes to hairdressers and barbers, opinions range from loyalty “owed” between customer and stylist, to preferred in-n’-out impersonal contact.
In my July 9 column, a writer complained about having to listen to her hairdresser’s continuing saga about her divorce; I suggested exercising the compassion of listening, for a while… with the fallback over time of feigning sleep.
Many of you had other suggestions:

Reader-When you’ve been loyal to a hair stylist for long, many typical “professional boundaries” fade - one of them being keeping your private lives separate.
Hair-styling is by nature an intimate business, conversations are bound to turn personal.

Reader-Maybe it’s time for a change anyway. It’s fun finding out what a new stylist will do and a great way to stay current.

Reader-Just do what she spent years doing for you, mutter “mm-hmm” in an interested-sounding manner and make a grocery list in your head.

Reader-This is one case where I hate to say that men have it better. Not only do we pay less for haircuts, when I go for mine at one of those “assembly-line” haircutting places,
I rarely see the same “stylist” twice in a row. I’m out in 20 minutes - not long enough for someone to drone on about personal problems - neither the stylist nor myself.

Reader-The customer was paying the stylist; and listening to customers’ stories sort of comes with the territory.

My son, 32, is bright, educated and accomplished.
He married a girl with far less education, and seems to be holding back in his life, to her level.
He left an executive position in the city to move to the country and work from home, so he could help raise his six-months-old twin daughters. I believe his wife talked him into it because she was overwhelmed and couldn’t handle looking after the babies herself; she seems to want a lot of time for just sleeping!
- What Should I Do?

Get out in the country air and enjoy your granddaughters; while visiting them, you might pitch in and help their parents. And don’t forget to bring something to heat up for dinner.
If you want to be part of your son’s life and know these twin girls, keep your opinions to yourself, and be part of the picture instead of its critic.