I just turned 40 (with a hubby overseas for more than two years), but I believe admiring someone isn’t limited to age.

I met someone last year through common friends. For the first three months of knowing him, I felt maybe infatuation towards him. He’s early 40’s, separated from his wife.

But it never progressed into something more because I was able to control myself and process the fleeting feeling.

Now we’re still friends, good friends, and part of a bigger circle of close friends.

I’d like to tell him how I felt, just to be honest with him, but I have reservations on how he might handle such information.

Do you think it’s appropriate telling him? Do you think it will not affect our friendship?

I made it clear then through words and actions that I value my marriage and my husband more than anything and anyone else.

Feel like Confessing

Zip it. I’m talking about your mouth, which wants to speak up, and your lonely (?) mind, which wants to play… because that’s what’s teasing you toward a totally unnecessary confession.

You’re on your own, met someone new and appealing, got a crush, got smart, and avoided trouble.

Don’t ruin that decent record so far.

Can you visit your husband while he’s away? You two need a boost of your connection, somehow, some way. If no in-person contact is possible, talk online as often as possible. And use your imagination together to feel sexy and loved by one another even while apart.

I asked my common-law spouse to go see a movie, just the two of us. His response stunned me: He said he’d need to save up some money to do this.

I’ve waited a year and this bothers me every time I think about it. I pay all the household bills; I’m lucky if he contributes $1,000 a year. We go out very rarely, only when I arrange and pay for it.

Fed Up

If you’re testing me, my answer is this: I would’ve told you he’s a user long ago.

However, you’ve said nothing about any “arrangement” you two have… as in, why are you supporting him? What’s the value to you of footing all his bills? Why does he have no money?

Ask yourself these questions. I suspect you won’t be satisfied with the answers and his inability to pay for a movie is the last straw. If so, end it.

But if there are solid reasons for this situation, see if there are any ways to improve it. Otherwise, re-think your earlier decisions about the relationship.

There’s this guy I think I really like.... we get along just like peanut butter and jelly.

But whenever I see his comments on another girl’s Facebook picture, saying she’s beautiful, I get extremely jealous and I hate it.

I’m pretty sure I more than just “like” him. I want him to notice me in that way and I can see us as more than just friends.

How do I control my feelings?

Confused

Despite the peanut butter/jelly reference, you’re old enough to see reality: He’s NOT your boyfriend, he’s made no moves, and your showing jealousy would send him running far away.

Even feeling jealousy is a bigger issue than whether he likes you. It reveals your insecurity about someone with whom you have no serious relationship, not even a conversation about it.

Stop watching his Facebook comments. Cut the daydreaming and show him that you’re friendly, NOT needy.

FEEDBACK

Reader – “Two years after you answered my question in the newspaper, I want to say that it was sound advice, but, due to my naivety and insecurities, I couldn't bring myself to leave my partner then.

“When I finally got some self-respect and expected more from the relationship, I realized that you (and my parents) were right all along, and I ended things.

“Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard, after the initial shock. I've been single, enjoying my youthful freedoms for over a year, and am definitely more careful about whom I choose to love.”

I included this note, not to be self-serving but to help other readers struggling with unhappy relationships to see there’s light at the end of the tunnel of accepting too little.

And, that advice from parents is often in your best interest, rather than a judgement. It’s worth listening to them enough to weigh the possibilities against staying miserable.