I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is snooping through my phone when I'm not looking. She says she's not doing this, but she's mentioned a couple of things she couldn't have known about otherwise. She honestly has nothing to find, I am faithful. But it bothers me that she would do this and makes me wonder if SHE has something to hide.
My friend suggested that I get an app for my phone that would actually take secret pictures of her while she's snooping. It feels as if my doing that would almost be like an admission of guilt or something. Yet I could have pictures for evidence to confront her.
Should I do that? If she HAS been snooping what should I do?
Secret photo snapping is just as smarmy behaviour as snooping. Do NOT go there, not if you care to stay together. If she IS going through your phone, she's in the wrong. Instead of playing backroom detective, tell her straight up that you strongly suspect her of going through your phone, and she should know that you find it unacceptable.
Say that if she's feeling insecure about the relationship, you'd like to know why and calm her fears, since you've been faithful to her. But if she continues to snoop, you won't put up with her suspicion and sneaky behaviour. It's better to break up, than to live with being mistrusted.
I'm a guy and have a roommate whom I love, but he doesn't feel the same way. Do I tell him or keep quiet?
You already know that he doesn't have the same feelings for you, so don't go seeking rejection to prove it. You don't have to cause yourself more pain, through confessing your love or your disappointment. He undoubtedly knows that you care for him, and likely hopes that there won't be a confrontation about it, or else he would've said something.
Keep him as a friend, if you can. Otherwise, you may have to change roommates in time. Remember, he doesn't owe you a return of your feelings, so don't build this into more than it is. Move on.
My husband of 20 years is involved with online chat rooms all night, flirting with other women. For me, it equals cheating. I can't sleep when he's on the computer, I have anxiety attacks, and my heart rate gets so high that I had to be on a heart monitor to check it out.
I keep asking him to stop doing it, but he refuses. He said he doesn't do anything bad, he's just having fun. Well it's not fun for me. He tells people about my reaction, they think I'm crazy, and jealous. Is there a way for me to deal with this?
You're not crazy, and he may not be "cheating," but you are being ignored, and he is acting indifferent. Worse, it's unkind and disloyal for him to talk about your reaction.
Try to calm your heart rate and anxiety by asking yourself what's good in the relationship that offsets his actions. If he's a decent partner, and you have an otherwise happy life, with intimacy between you, then little harm is coming from his chats.
BUT, if he's ignoring you sexually, not having conversations with you, distracted from going out together by his chats, why be so anxious about someone who's already "gone?" See a lawyer and show him what exclusion really means.
During my mom's 12 years with her boyfriend, he never wanted to see my sister and me, so we didn't visit her much. When we did, he'd disappear for hours. It greatly upset her, and even when we tried to get on better terms, he rejected our efforts.
Then I got married and we had our first daughter. My daughter, sister, mother and I were at their home for a weekend and were stranded by a blizzard, for one extra night. Her boyfriend had a fit. It was the last straw - Mom moved out.
We were then able to visit her whenever we wanted. Just after her first birthday, our youngest daughter passed away. Mom could've missed out on knowing her granddaughter, but instead got to spend as much time as possible with her without that jerk ruining it.
Thanks for sharing how a bad relationship can harm a whole family.
Tip of the day:
When a relationship descends into snooping and counter espionage, it's more about the search than the trust. End it.