I'm 21; so is my boyfriend, who’s the father of my four-year-old daughter.
My best friend and her boyfriend had the idea we all move in together because both our leases will be up. It’d be a lot cheaper on all of us.
My best friend and I never got into any serious fights. We have no difficulty talking to each other about any problems.
She’s helped me with my daughter, and I have no problem with her giving my daughter a time-out if needed.
However, I’m not sure she knows what she’s getting herself into, with moving in with a child. I don't know if we should have a talk about this. And can we live together without losing our wonderful friendship?
A move together may help everyone financially for awhile, but the emotional costs can be high.
The difficulties start with unevenness… e.g. which couple has the bigger room? Also, how much extra space and costs (food, heating, laundry use, etc.) does the child use up, and are those expenses counted as yours only?
There must be defined limits regarding the other two disciplining her.
You’ll need to handle each couple’s personal habits (drinking, porn videos?), separate visitors, “alone” time, and specific chores, including cleaning up mess or damage that your daughter creates.
You and your partner are still very young parents with more responsibilities than the other two.
For this plan to work, you’d need A LOT of conversation ahead, and A LOT of agreement on who does what, and when. Plus, four remarkably open, evenly-tempered adults.
Frankly, it’s hard to find among any two couples.
I’m a young woman who’s just started my apprenticeship for my electrical career.
I’d worked in two offices of trades firms, doing administrative tasks. Then I completed a three-month program at a private work college learning basic installations all electricians should know.
My only concern was, I’d never come across a female electrician…
Also, my teacher had said I’d not get a job because I’d be a distraction on the work site. This made me incredibly angry and upset.
I posted resumes eight times to find some sort of career in this field.
And I finally came across a woman who changed my perspective.
She was beautiful, smart, articulate, and smashed the stereotype of a woman in the trades being “masculine.”
She’d started her own electrical contracting company after years in the field and gaining her tickets as a master. She responded to my resume post as she was looking for a female as her first apprentice.
She explained how hard it’d been for her, being the only female on many of the sites she worked, and wanted to make things easier for me.
She gave me my opportunity to prove myself.
So, I’m writing because it’s sometimes difficult to get people to take us seriously as tradespeople. We’re hard working and professional, but there’s still a stigma about women in construction. This not only impedes our own business, but it also alienates women from the trades.
We are just as capable.
I urge women to step outside of their comfort zones and pursue a career in a field that has been non-traditional to women.
Thanks for your heartfelt appeal to young women to consider the many construction trades as potential jobs with long-term careers.
Your own experience shows that, with basic training, determination, and hard work, these careers can be rewarding in every way.
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband who wanted his wife to fire her ex-lover who’d been her employee (May 15):
Reader – “I sympathize with the husband and the wife, and her employee too, but this solution is one that I suspect the Labour Board would disagree with.
“Is having an affair with your boss grounds for dismissal?
“An employee's job security should not depend on his boss's marital issues. In fact, the employee could accuse his boss of sexual harassment if he chose to.
“Possible solutions: 1.Offer the employee a lateral or upward transfer to a different location. 2. Wife could transfer or find a new job. It’s her responsibility to make the change, not the employee's.
“Solving the marriage issues is the wife's (and her husband's) responsibility, not the employee's.”
ELLIE - All good solutions, but not for that specific situation. The wife owned the business. Her husband informed me no Labour laws applied in their case.
Tip of the day:
Friendships are often smoother than family relationships like siblings, due to limits and separateness.