I believe this is cheating: I’m married to a podophile (foot fetishist) who drives around and picks up women (some are hookers, judging from the conversations I've recorded without his knowledge).

He asks to see their feet. After they exit the car, he masturbates. When later confronted by me, he said he knows it's a problem and won’t do it again.

Well, he’s still doing it. He refuses to discuss the risks. I love him but don’t trust him and he gets angry that I don't.

Feeling PATHETIC

Podophilia is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual body parts. Practiced within a relationship, it’s not cheating.

However, your husband’s approach – picking up strangers, hookers or not – exposes him and possibly your family, too, to some serious risks. (e.g. if he’s followed, if someone takes extreme offence, or if unsafe sex also occurs).

He knows you feel cheated on, by his having sexual release from being with someone else. His persistence is disrespectful as well as untrustworthy.

He needs professional help to find other ways to deal with his fetish. There are experienced therapists who’ll not be shocked and will have strategies for him.

Also, support groups are available online for fetishists and for their partners. You’ve likely known of his fetish a long time, but clearly need to decide if you can live with it, even within bounds.

If he continues to ignore any risks, and your feelings in the current manner, you’ll have to consider your options.

I'm having some problems with my boyfriend. This is my fourth time dating him and I feel we’re growing apart.

He never calls or texts me anymore. When I text him, he says he’s busy and doesn't answer me until the next day.

He doesn't hang out with me at school anymore or ask me out on dates. I don't want to sound clingy but I want to spend time with him. The last time I hung out with him was seven days ago. How do I get him to notice me more?

Neglected

Back off.

He’s sending a clear message that he doesn’t want constant contact. You DO sound clingy and needy, something most guys find uncomfortable, especially those in high school easily influenced by friends’ comments.

For your own self-respect, play it cool. Be the girl HE needs to pursue, if he’s interested. And if he shows that he’s not going to come after you, there’s no fifth chance in the dating world. Move on, this time with someone who shows he wants you.

My long-time dear friend’s always late; I expect that. However, she always calls the restaurant to give me the message she’ll be late.

She insists on describing me as beautiful, gives my hair and eye colour, and has them call out my name. It’s horribly embarrassing; I’m only average-looking. Frequently, whoever answered doesn't believe it’s for me.

I’ve asked her to stop, just call my cell phone, said that I’ll no longer wait for her. She’s bipolar and it’s hard for her to be on time, but the calls are unnecessary. Suggestions?

Awkward Calls

Stop meeting in restaurants. Pick her up, have her pick you up, or meet somewhere where she can’t call, such as a library, and say that they don’t carry messages.

You could also invite her to your place or visit at hers.

However, if restaurants are the only desired meeting-place, alert staff ahead that she’ll be calling for you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the writer whose family treats her like a “loser” whenever they gather for holiday meals (Oct.29):

Reader – “As a 73-year-old, I offer an additional liberating suggestion to the unmarried sibling, who’s expected to function as her family's designated “failure.” That hits home for many others and me.

“I, too, was labelled "worthless" compared to everyone else. My parents were also defined as "losers" compared to their "winner" siblings. It was excruciatingly hurtful to be compared to everyone else as “failing to have a meaningful life,” just as this young woman’s been described.

“After decades of therapy, and discovering reflective people reaching out, like you Ellie, as well as holding onto the determination to discover what was really going on, I had an Aha!

“I didn’t have to remain stuck as a "helpless, hopeless, worthless, brainless, loser."

Ellie – Build towards the “aha!” by keeping up your own sense of self-worth.