I’m 23 and have been seeing a girl for a year. She’s the only person I’ve had sex with. I love her and am considering spending the rest of my life with her but lately I’ve wanted to go find another girl to have sex with, because of something in my head that tells me I’m missing out.
- Getting Curious
The something missing is in your head, which is focused on imagined sex instead of good sense. Here's reality: Sex with one other person, or 20 others, will have you "missing" this girl you claim to love, because she'll be out the door when she finds you cheating (and she WILL find out).
If you hope to have a long, trusting, happy future with her, and want to deepen and vary your intimate connection, then read a good sex manual together and mutually agree to explore new sexual behaviour with each other.
However, if what you're really feeling is restlessness in this relationship, then you're settling into it too soon. In that case, do both of you a favour – take a break and agree that both of you can date others.
Books I recommend: The revised and updated More Joy of Sex, by Dr. Alex Comfort; The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex, Third Edition, by Sari Locker
I have a bizarre situation when I’m at my in-laws and while in conversation, my father-in-law will rub and fidget with his groin area repeatedly. It’s gone on for a long time and it always makes me uncomfortable. I generally ignore it but tend to avoid going there for that reason.
How else might I handle this situation?
- Eyes Averted
You’re not alone in your reaction to this off-putting male habit. Italy recently banned the crotch-grab gesture, commonly exhibited by Italian men as their superstitious attempt to ward off danger to themselves, such as when they saw a hearse go by.
YOU should ban it too, through your husband. This is male territory; he needs to take charge and save you from having to raise the matter with your father-in-law, by speaking to him about his conversation “tic” without even mentioning you.
Hubby: “Dad, that’s gross. If you’re a nervous speaker, take a Toastmasters International public-speaking course (see www.toastmasters.org), or else sit on your hands.”
I have a problem with my best friend’s girlfriend, and so do the rest of our crowd. She was married for only five months before she separated, and started dating my brother soon after. He’s 31, and a great guy.
They’ve been together seven months now, and she had the nerve to wear her former engagement ring with him, when we all went out together. He didn’t seem too notice but we all thought it was disrespectful.
What’s your opinion on this, and how can I help my best friend?
- Platonic Friend’s Concern
There are already too many opinions and too much judgment circulating about this girl.
People who exit very early from a marriage have often had trying experiences, and come out knowing far better what they want and need.
Your friend has also been with her long enough to know what he’s getting into, so they sound fine about their union.
Moreover, he’s not the one uncomfortable about the ring. So back off, and be a true pal by telling the gang of critics, that this is none of any of your business.
My boyfriend, 34, smokes; I’m 20, and have never smoked. He wants to quit but always falls back.
I know it’s difficult but I then have to smell him, kiss him, and sit alone while he smokes. Each time, it represents failure to me, and upsets me.
Should I refuse to kiss him unless he brushes his teeth or make him use body spray after smoking? He needs to see how serious I am about this.
- Stenchy Smell
He’s the one who has to get serious – about his health, and about staying in a relationship with you. There are proven methods for stopping smoking, and the most you can do for him is NOT punitive action, but rather getting him some of these resources.
However, you must also get serious, about whether you can stick it out if he does not quit. I recommend Alan Carr’s book, The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.
Tip of the day:
Seeking sex elsewhere, is a sure way to turn a relationship into a thing of the past.