I have a bizarre situation when I’m at my in-laws and while in conversation, my father-in-law will rub and fidget with his groin area repeatedly. It’s gone on for a long time and it always makes me uncomfortable. I generally ignore it but tend to avoid going there for that reason.  

How else might I handle this situation?

- Eyes Averted

You’re not alone in your reaction to this off-putting male habit. Italy recently banned the crotch-grab gesture, commonly exhibited by Italian men as their superstitious attempt to ward off danger to themselves, such as when they saw a hearse go by. 

YOU should ban it too, through your husband. This is male territory; he needs to take charge and save you from having to raise the matter with your father-in-law, by speaking to him about his conversation “tic” without even mentioning you.

Hubby: “Dad, that’s gross. If you’re a nervous speaker, take a Toastmasters International public-speaking course (see www.toastmasters.org), or else sit on your hands.”

I have a problem with my best friend’s girlfriend, and so do the rest of our crowd. She was married for only five months before she separated, and started dating my brother soon after. He’s 31, and a great guy. 

They’ve been together seven months now, and she had the nerve to wear her former engagement ring with him, when we all went out together. He didn’t seem too notice but we all thought it was disrespectful.

What’s your opinion on this, and how can I help my best friend?

- Platonic Friend’s Concern

There are already too many opinions and too much judgment circulating about this girl. 

People who exit very early from a marriage have often had trying experiences, and come out knowing far better what they want and need.

Your friend has also been with her long enough to know what he’s getting into, so they sound fine about their union.

Moreover, he’s not the one uncomfortable about the ring. So back off, and be a true pal by telling the gang of critics, that this is none of any of your business.

My boyfriend, 34, smokes; I’m 20, and have never smoked. He wants to quit but always falls back. 

I know it’s difficult but I then have to smell him, kiss him, and sit alone while he smokes. Each time, it represents failure to me, and upsets me.

Should I refuse to kiss him unless he brushes his teeth or make him use body spray after smoking? He needs to see how serious I am about this.

- Stenchy Smell

He’s the one who has to get serious – about his health, and about staying in a relationship with you. There are proven methods for stopping smoking, and the most you can do for him is NOT punitive action, but rather getting him some of these resources. 

However, you must also get serious, about whether you can stick it out if he does not quit. I recommend Alan Carr’s book, The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.