I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it was my biggest problem in our marriage.

She’s 65, I’m 75, working 20 to 35 hours a week.

Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me.

Later in our life, sex completely disappeared.

When I confronted her or talked about it, she said that sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along.

I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.

Is she right? Shall I find a sex therapist or talk to my doctor who’s a young lady in her 20s?

Still Frustrated at 75

It’s never too late to seek a better understanding of a long-term difference between you and your wife.

You’ve stayed together, which means that the love and companionship between you was/are the binding factors.

Since your wife opened the door to investigating further, it’s somewhat surprising that you haven’t done so in the past.

A specialist in sexual therapy may be able to illuminate what caused your wife’s disinterest in sex… whether it was low libido, or physical discomfort, or some other reason related to her upbringing, etc.

She may or may not still be willing to explore this.

You can both still have sexual relations at your ages, if health reasons don’t interfere. You can certainly still experience sexual intimacy of stroking, and pleasuring.

So why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? And if either of you feel you should check it out with your doctor, do so.

There are some days where I absolutely love myself, and I feel like I can do anything. But some days (or most days) I feel ugly, stupid, anything along those lines.

I have so much self-loathing and I don't know why.

Everyone says it's just because I'm a teenager and that's why I have these mood swings, but I think it's something more.

Lately, I've been feeling not good enough body-wise and have considered throwing up. I feel depressed, happy, and sad all at the same time. I feel like I can't handle these emotions.

Confused

Of course you’re confused, because these are very conflicting emotions coming at you, and you don’t know why.

It’s true that the teenage years often bring a period of mood swings, some of which are triggered by the changing hormones inside that are part of your body/mind transition from being a child to an adult.

The transition is normal, and so is the confusion it can bring. The good news is that it will pass as you mature.

But how you handle it now is very important.

You don’t want to start negative behaviours like throwing up, which can only bring a greater problem into your life.

Eating disorders can become a years-long problem. Vomiting and other tactics do not improve your body image but does harm your body’s health.

Confront it right now.

Talk openly to your parents. They likely went through some of this themselves and may be more understanding than you expect.

Also, see your doctor. You’re not sick, but mood swings are treatable, and you especially want to lessen depressive moods as they can get prolonged and interfere with the good parts of your teenage life, such as activities you enjoy, close friendships, etc.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman concerned about her boyfriend's overindulgence of his grown daughter (October 26):

Reader – “This woman doesn't bear any responsibility to raise his daughter who is now an adult, and the money belongs to her boyfriend to do with as he pleases.

“HOWEVER, if they decide to move in together or get married, she should get a good lawyer who will negotiate a fair cohabitation or prenuptial agreement.

“Otherwise, this daughter might become resentful over the perception that "Uncomfortable" is somehow taking money that belongs to her (no matter how incorrect that is).

“If things are clearly spelled out ahead of time and negotiated fairly, any complaints from the daughter will be without merit.”

Ellie – An added approach is for the wealthy parent to create a trust fund for the daughter’s use and let her know about it at the same time as he agrees to a cohabitation or prenuptial agreement that is equitable to his partner.