I’ve been married for four years and have two toddlers.
Recently, I discovered that my husband had a girlfriend for three months, to whom he was saying "I love you," while I’m home taking care of our children and cooking dinner.
I was devastated.
When confronted, he said he cared for me as the mother of his children, but didn't love me as a wife.
We split for three weeks, he begged me for a second chance, promising to be a better husband. I agreed, feeling that I owed it to my kids to give our family that chance.
Yet I couldn't trust him, and constantly questioned his whereabouts. He acted like he didn't care if I stayed or left.
Then I discovered there’d been at least four other women prior, during our marriage.
I broke, told him I was done. I don't even look at him the same way.
A week later, he's telling me I'm the only one for him, that he can't live without me, that I should work on our future.
He asks, how can I throw our family away? But I feel our entire relationship’s tainted. Am I wrong for being done?
You’re feeling natural concern for your children but they’re not the only deciding factor here.
In many cases, serial cheaters don’t change unless they recognize their addiction to sex and attention, get therapy, and then prove they can be loyal and trusted.
So far, your husband’s proven to be a hound dog.
He disrespects you, lies, neglects you and his kids while he cheats.
If you and he agree on joint custody, he may end up seeing more of them on “his” time.
However, if you feel there’s any chance at all, getting counselling will at least give you the satisfaction of having tried to keep the family together.
If he’s unwilling to attend, go anyway. It’ll help you try to have a civilized relationship as parents if/when you part.
My mother died four years after my father and two siblings were appointed executors of the will.
When my mother was suffering from cancer I took stress leave and looked after her for three months.
I wasn’t given much support from the other siblings.
After she died, there was a huge family rift. Three of my five siblings sent me nasty “disowning” emails. I no longer have contact with them.
The house was sold and each of us was given a portion of the inheritance.
But $5000.00 was held back for a certificate of clearance when we were to receive the remaining monies.
Over four years later, we still haven't received payment.
I have a "sort of" relationship with only one of the executors.
Another sibling and I have only been given vague answers. Lately, our emails go unanswered.
Can the executors just keep the monies without notifying us? Is this legal?
See a lawyer, if you feel the legal fee is worth your share of the $5000 when divided among six siblings.
Some of those involved have already behaved meanly and selfishly, so a legal fight for your share may just not be worth it.
Meanwhile, look up “will executors’ responsibilities” online, specific to the jurisdiction involved.
You may get an answer that will help you alert those two that you know what you’re owed legally and intend to go after it.
Mean selfish people are sometimes also cowards, so this could possibly help.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who was upset that the man she dated for three years wouldn’t say he loved her (October 13):
Reader – “There is no "I love you light" in the English language.
“I’ve dated on both sides of the Atlantic. In German, for example, there is a build up of commitment as the relationship grows.
“You can start with the relatively non-committal "ich mag dich" and progress though "ich mag dich gern" and "ich hab' dich lieb" to finally end up at the heavy "ich liebe dich" (I love you).
“The first three you can replace in English with the non personal "I like you," but then, I also “like” potato soup and a certain football team.
“To start out with "I love you" is to me like crashing through the door, without first knocking. It is for many of us too blunt, so we shy back from it.”
Ellie – Interesting language lesson. But after three years “like” has no promise of progressing.
Tip of the day:
Serial cheaters rarely change without a strong commitment plus ongoing therapy.