Over a year ago, I found out that throughout our three-year relationship, my boyfriend had been putting me down to his friends, talking to his ex about problems in our relationship, comparing me physically to other females that he knew, and flirting with women whom I thought were just friends.

Six months later, I found a folder on his computer containing sexual pictures of other females (which he pulled from their Facebook accounts). He treated me very well throughout our relationship so I decided to try to make it work.

We've attended therapy and worked on communication and he's disassociated himself with many "friends" to whom he insulted me. He stated that he'd never physically cheat on me. Our relationship has improved.

However, I'm still unable to forgive him, or to let go of the pain and rebuild my self-esteem. I feel that I cannot trust him and constantly check his email. We live together, I love him, but I cannot shake my fear that it'll happen again as I feel he had a "double life" for so long. Is it possible that, in more time, I will be able to forgive him, and feel confident in the relationship and myself again?

Betrayed

Let's get clear about what really happened: He was NOT treating you "very well," nor showing love, respect or loyalty, by insulting you to his friends, flirting openly, and using people's Facebook photos as his personal porn collection.

If it's self-esteem you want in this relationship or any other, you should've walked right then - and you still can. You should've told him then - and can still say - he must see a therapist on his own, and prove that he understands why he behaved so shabbily, before you'll reconsider moving back.

Right now, he's trying to please you. But you still lack confidence, because you didn't stand up for yourself when you were betrayed. That softness in your response is a weakness there between you. He's left knowing he can get away with things again, and you know it, too.

His mean-spirited putdowns revealed his emotional distance from you, a self-centeredness that he can draw on again. You need a clean slate, not more time just waiting and hoping for your (valid) fears to just disappear.

If you do take this much-needed break - or separation - get counseling to probe why you didn't walk out immediately when you learned how he deceived and insulted you.

Let's get clear about what really happened: He was NOT treating you "very well," nor showing love, respect or loyalty, by insulting you to his friends, flirting openly, and using people's Facebook photos as his personal porn collection.

If it's self-esteem you want in this relationship or any other, you should've walked right then - and you still can. You should've told him then - and can still say - he must see a therapist on his own, and prove that he understands why he behaved so shabbily, before you'll reconsider moving back.

Right now, he's trying to please you. But you still lack confidence, because you didn't stand up for yourself when you were betrayed. That softness in your response is a weakness there between you. He's left knowing he can get away with things again, and you know it, too.

His mean-spirited putdowns revealed his emotional distance from you, a self-centeredness that he can draw on again. You need a clean slate, not more time just waiting and hoping for your (valid) fears to just disappear.

If you do take this much-needed break - or separation - get counseling to probe why you didn't walk out immediately when you learned how he deceived and insulted you.

My fiancé and I are waiting for marriage to have sex. I'm afraid she'll be disappointed in my small penis (about 4.75 inches erect). I'm a virgin, she isn't. Should I discuss with her whether we're sexually compatible before the wedding?

Size Concerns

It's how it's used that counts. As a virgin, it's natural that you feel uncertain about sexual prowess. However, your fiancee knows that you're inexperienced, and isn't hesitating to marry you.

But your own anxiety about size can affect performance, so talk to your doctor for more information about anatomical structure, and also read Alex Comfort's Joy of Sex. It'll give you a variety of approaches to making sex a great adventure.

Incidentally, the statistically average erect size among North American men is a mere fraction larger, which means there are many, many "smaller" men having sex.

Forget advance size warnings to your fiancée. With more confidence and knowledge, plus lots of practice, you'll both enjoy sex together.

My daughter-in-law won't let us see her new baby, our first granddaughter. She blames my husband and me for conflicts in our family, when the fact is that she and her father are mean and manipulative control freaks, and have caused fights with all of our children and even my mother.

Our son is now "forbidden" from contacting his siblings, his elderly grandmother, or us.

He's caught in a trap, since they already have two other sons and he's not the kind who'll walk out on his family. What should we do?

Distraught

Try to reach your son any way you can. With such a vindictive wife and father-in-law, he'll have to "man up" and have more say in his own home. He should also get legal information about his rights, as these people will surely threaten to keep his children from him if he doesn't comply.... and eventually, he will rebel.