I’m male, 26, married for a year. 

For four years I’ve had curiosity about being with another man, but no experience. The feelings went away when I married, until recently.

I feel that being with a man is cheating on my wife, yet I still have this urge though I don’t even consider myself bisexual.

My wife and I have a good sex life. Is my urge just curiosity?

- Curiously in the closet

Sex outside your marriage with anyone, male or female, is cheating. So understand the risks, if you start experimenting only “for curiosity.” It’s not the labels that count – whether gay, bisexual, straight, etc. – it’s how you feel and what you do. 

If you truly believe you’re “in the closet,” get out.

To help you understand your feelings better, talk to a therapist. If your urges persist, you’ll eventually have to be open with your wife. This talk won’t be easy on either of you; but it’s an honest approach that respects her.

However, if you repress your feelings for too long, you’ll end up doing something sneakily that, once discovered, will destroy her trust, and possibly the marriage.

My husband’s family is ruining our marriage. They’re constantly calling repeatedly if you don’t pick up. They’ll leave a message that there’s an emergency just to get his attention. 

We have a baby, three months, and I allow them to visit at LEAST once a week.

Recently, my mother-in-law (MIL) wanted to visit on my birthday; I said I’d call her in the morning when we were ready (which is the norm for a visit with her), and she could drop by. She already knew I had plans to spend the day with my mother.

I left three messages, didn’t get a reply, so went on with my day with my mother. She then began calling repeatedly and also got her daughter to call repeatedly.

I said she could come the next day to visit as we were going to have dinner soon and celebrate as a family (me, my husband and our two kids). She said, “I’d rather come right now." UHHHHH she’s completely self-centered.

My father-in-law (FIL) has all his mail coming to our home and recently gave out our home number for his business use. My husband gets angry with them, tries to explain that they can’t do these things but eventually he gives in and it all starts happening again.

I got angry at his sister and father once, but that didn’t work either.

I don’t want it to ruin my marriage as I love my husband too much.

- Wit’s End

Difficult in-laws are a burden, but they’re sometimes part of a much bigger and better package. 

You love your hubby, you both try to set limits that don’t always work, and life goes on. Since these in-laws seem thick-skinned enough to not get all your messages, you should try thinking up some more boundaries.

Example: It’s the extreme, but you could move away. Or, you could simply not answer the phone after an hour of the day (say, dinner time) to which you’ve alerted them.

FIL’s mail can be re-routed, and his business calls ignored.

However, from much of what you’ve described, the worst that these people seem to want, is attention. Give them some, in a way they can count on, such as a regular weekly visit or whatever you choose.

Remember, your kids see the example of how to treat family, from you.

For 18 years, my mother, siblings and I have tried to include my brother and his chubby little wife in family gatherings. 

They’ve adopted a girl, whom they teach that she’s “above” us. It’s caused me to lash out at them, and then beg him to stop hurting us, especially my widowed mother.

He just laughs and then ignores me. They ridicule and humiliate us, publicly, whenever they can.

- What To Do?

Describing the “chubby little wife” shows not only your anger, but your judgment – something your sister-in-law undoubtedly feels and throws back at you. 

Since the total family relationship appears toxic, avoid this couple. If your mother wants more contact, suggest she try seeing her son on his own, or just with his family alone… maybe that’ll work for them. But for the rest of you, “family gatherings” are too painful and unnecessary to endure.