My mother had an extra-marital affair 30 years ago, and I was the result. I discovered this in my mid-teens, and it "shook my world!"

Although I loved the man who raised me, my mother's husband, I tried to make contact with my biological dad. He rejected me with no follow up or apology.

Perhaps he's afraid of his wife and daughter discovering his secret. My half-sister and I are both late-20s, both accomplished professionals in the same city.

She's an only child, while I have siblings, but I wonder if she'd want to know she has a sister close in age to her with much in common. I know that when her parents, who are older, pass on, she'll be alone.

I don't care about contact with my biological father after his cruel rejection, but I'd like to contact her. How do you think she'd react to learning she's not an only child?

Hopeful but Realistic

You don't want to experience another rejection so proceed carefully on this. It's not just about you two... it's about informing her that her father was intimately involved with someone other than her mother (and perhaps he was married then, too).

If her mother learns of his affair, you could be affecting their marriage and causing grief to the sibling with whom you want to bond.

It's a delicate, layered situation, so make sure you know your true motives and have thought through how you'll handle disappointment and/or backlash from any of the people involved.

I've been married 32 years to a good family man. My daughter's married with one newborn. I put a line of credit against my house without my husband's knowledge and he recently found out.

I wanted to help my daughter, whose husband was laid off. I never had any help when I had two youngsters, my husband was injured and off work for a year, and we had a big mortgage. I didn't want my daughter to have to struggle.

But now that my husband knows, I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. My problem is that I cannot go to my husband and discuss our finances, ever. He just freaks out about everything. I don't know now how to reconnect.

He told me to find a job and pay off the loan. I baby-sit my grandchild, as my daughter cannot afford daycare. I don't know how to approach him to figure out a plan.

Desperate

You and your daughter need to figure out your own plan, since your husband already gave you his. Your son-in-law also needs to be included in this, since his loss of salary created their financial difficulties. He should be looking hard for work, to resume his contribution.

You must apologize to your husband, because going behind his back was so wrong, especially when you know that financial areas are difficult for him to discuss. And your daughter and her husband must apologize too, because they were grateful to you but obviously didn't thank him so must've known this was a deceitful act.

Hopefully, when your husband sees that everyone realizes how they disrespected his place in the family, he might soften and try to come up with other plans.  

Meantime, all three of you should think of part-time work you could do to earn money towards the loan, for him to see that you take responsibility for your actions.

While his refusal to discuss money creates problems, you knew that when you sneakily put your house on the line.

New neighbours with toddlers were initially friendly towards us. Since fall, they've avoided us.

When they're outside, they look away from our friendly waves. Their children didn't visit us on Halloween and they didn't answer their door to our kids. Their children are called inside when ours play outside.

We're dumbfounded as to why. How do we mend what we don't know has caused this unfriendliness?

We're concerned that whatever misunderstanding has happened, it will foment ill will against us from other neighbours. But we don't want to discuss this with other people.

Troubled and Hurt

Knock on their door, and say you regret anything you or your children did or said that caused them to be upset with you. Say nothing about your hurt feelings, just clear it up the best you can. If they don't answer the door, send a letter. If nothing changes, only time will reveal the cause.