I discovered several years ago that my father's been keeping another wife overseas, and possibly children, too. I was okay with this, as he never mentioned their existence.

However, recently I've caught him lying about his whereabouts. I believe there's also a mistress in town now. I've called him and another woman would pick up. He seldom goes home at night, only to sleep.

I've also often heard secret phone calls. I'm an adult, and feel that a confrontation or telling my family would do more harm than good.

But lately I've been very bothered and have been ignoring him whenever possible. My parents' 35-year marriage and what I originally thought of my dad, seems so irrelevant now.

Angry

You're already withdrawing from your father by NOT telling, which shows that any way of handling this will have its emotional impact on you.

Do not tell your mother... it's not up to you to suddenly explode her world. She may already have some intuition about other women, without wanting to know more.

Speak to a lawyer and discuss what you need to learn, for when your father passes on.... e.g. is your mother protected with regard to their home and income for her to live there?

I'm sure a lawyer will suggest you try to talk to your father, telling him you're aware of the situation, and need to know what he's provided for your mother for the future, in light of another wife's potential claims.

Instead of confronting him with accusations, insist on an adult conversation that deals with the situation practically. Do NOT involve other family members unless your father's responses indicate the need. (Warn him that if he does still have sex with your mother, he's exposing her to the risk of sexual diseases, which no family member will forgive).

Dear Readers - Have any of you faced a similar situation? How did you deal with it and what was the result?

I'm getting married soon - we've been together for seven years, have five children between us, and waited until they're all settled in their adult lives.

My fiancé's father and I have a good relationship. He's a very talented artist. Last year, my fiancé bought one of his paintings and gave it to me for my birthday. We've asked his father to be a witness at our wedding.

He's recently informed my fiancé that he'd submitted that painting as part of his portfolio to be hung in a prestigious gallery.

My fiancé found it somewhat unusual that his father would presume to "take back" a painting that he'd purchased. I agreed, as it belongs to me!! I feel that his father should have asked me before he submitted it as part of his portfolio. My fiancé doesn't want to create a situation with his father and has told me not to say anything. But I feel discounted and excluded. How can I deal with this so it doesn't ruin our wedding day?

Agitated

Call an art dealer, privately, and learn about the added value to your painting, once it hangs in a gallery of note, as well as the increased recognition for the artist and added value to all his paintings (and estate, one day). His father likely assumed you understood this, and would be pleased. But your fiancé should've told him to tell you himself. He should now find out how long it'll be there, and to make sure it's designated as owned by you.

I'm very close with my two sisters. One is in a terrible, abusive relationship, with a guy no one in my family likes. When they break up, she tells my sister and me about his name-calling, shoving, and cheating. Her friends have witnessed this degrading behaviour.

She's back with him and blames almost everything on his alcoholism - for which he's not seeking help. She wants us to give him another chance. We want nothing to do with him. But if he's not invited to family functions, she won't attend. Yet we feel we'd be enabling the relationship. My sister's extremely insecure, and frets over losing the attention of this man.

But Mom says we're offering her only conditional love.

Sad

Mom's right. Don't isolate Sis with this man. Stay close, show what positive attention feels like, and suggest she get counselling to build her confidence to manage, with or without him.