Several years ago, a close friend lost her husband and son in a horrific car accident. While the marriage had long been over emotionally, she was very close to her son.
She’s had an extremely difficult time, but refuses to get counselling, for either herself or her remaining child.
She’s still unable to work (she tried), return to school, even unable to read.
I understand that unresolved grief can manifest itself sometimes in promiscuity. She had a very brief marriage and divorce (he mistreated her) soon after the accident.
She’s now married to a man overseas whom, from things she’s told me, and another friend, is sexually exploiting her.
He has her meet other men, have phone encounters, and exchange nude photos.
She said he wouldn’t mind if she has sex with them, if he arranges it.
I believe he’s arranging the meetings, filming her, and making money from it.
He’s hit her on at least one occasion and she couldn’t see properly for days.
She has evidence that he’s a member of a violent, extreme group whose members are wanted worldwide.
I fear for her emotional health and for her life, involved in this dangerous game of meeting guys, and because of her husband's abuse and dubious activities.
How to Help?
Go to the police.
She’s suffering abuse, apparently involved with strange men in sexually related activity, and married to a man connected with violence and criminal elements.
You cannot protect her by listening and cajoling.
Make a written record of the things she’s said to you and others, about the physical abuse and signs of possible pornography and prostitution. Take these to local police to investigate.
More crucial than protecting your friendship is protecting this woman’s life. But along with your mutual friends, have the names of a therapist and lawyer ready, who’ll help at a fee within her means.
I’m middle-40s, diagnosed with herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV 2) - genital herpes. We’re newlyweds who’ve been monogamous for five years.
This was likely contracted early in my life and dormant until now.
I feel terrible about my sexuality and myself. My husband seems complacent about the fact he’s likely been exposed already.
He’s very supportive and is confident that it may be that oral cold sores (which I’ve always had) may’ve been transmitted.
I know that we’ve been faithful and our marriage is strong. I just don’t know how one manages this diagnosis and how it may tarnish my future.
I’m almost thinking he deserves to be with someone healthy instead. Is there such a thing as a support group?
First, get informed from your health provider and responsible medical websites about your condition. Dealing from fear and anxiety will hinder your adjustment to managing this virus, as well as your attitude towards yourself and your husband.
Some facts worth knowing: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 16 %, or about one out of six people, aged 14 to 49 years, have genital HSV-2 infection.
It’s more common in women (about one out of five, 14 to 49).
Transmission can occur from an infected partner who doesn’t have a visible sore and may not know that he/she’s infected, often through oral sexual contact.
While herpes isn’t curable, it IS a manageable condition.
Ask your doctor and/or search the Internet for a local support group.
Most important, follow your husband’s supportive lead. You’re in this together and both need to adapt to it.
I’m in high school and think I'm in love. He’s a senior – selfless, compassionate, mature, a reliable friend, ambitious scholar, and true gentleman.
He calls me his princess and respects my boundaries. Recently, while making out in the car, he said, "I love you so much." I wanted to say it back but feared that we’d become even closer and it’d be intolerable pain to say goodbye after graduation.
I’m afraid of the future. I can't see myself finding anyone better than him. Is there any point in becoming “boyfriend/girlfriend” if we know that we'll either marry (very unlikely) or break up?
You sound mature enough yourself to realize that further education and pursuing a career may separate you two for long periods… and soon, when this ambitious young man graduates.
So keep those boundaries intact while enjoying the caring feelings, without making long-term promises beyond staying in contact.
Tip of the day:
When a friend’s physical safety’s at risk, talk to police first, offer supports later.