Three years ago I started an online friendship with a guy who lives four hours away. We hit it off immediately. We talked for hours every day and e-mailed frequently; within the past six months I’ve visited him twice.
We both agreed that if it weren't for the distance between us, we’d be perfect for each other. We feel as though we are soul mates. But with distance a major factor, we decided to remain close friends, and see other people.
My problem is that I feel as though I’m cheating on him whenever I go on a date with someone else, even though we're not dating.
Ellie, how can I date other guys without feeling guilty? I tell him about every guy I go on a date with, and how I feel about them, because I feel honesty is the best policy when it comes to any type of relationship, but it still doesn't help curb the guilt.
Is this normal?

- When Is It Cheating?

You’ve developed an emotional interest that’s crying out for more involvement.
Four hours’ distance isn’t unmanageable, so I’m wondering why you two haven’t at least tried more frequent visiting and shared turns as to who makes the effort. I know married couples that live further apart and commute every few weeks.
Your guilt may be a silent nudge from within that this situation isn’t satisfying, and you’re likely feeling awkward or dismayed that this guy hasn’t asked for more contact.
Ask him straight up if he’s willing to try a “medium-distance relationship.”
If not, drop the guilt, date others, and stop reporting to him.

My sister, 63, is slowly starving herself to death and I’m very concerned for her health. She began losing weight 20 years ago and was proud of how she looked.
I tried to tell her then that I didn't think she looked so good and she was so upset, that for three years she wrote nasty letters about me to the rest of the family.
I think she uses the dieting as a form of control over her husband who was in the military for a long time and he does boss her quite a bit.
The last few years she’s lost a lot more weight and is looking like a skeleton but I’m afraid to say anything to her because of what she did before.
Is there anything I can do?
She lives quite a distance from me but we email each other every day.

- Worried Sis

If you’re correct, and your sister is already feeling controlled and bossed by her husband, then your taking the critical approach about how she diets, just makes her feel worse and angry too.
Be supportive and show your positive interest in her through your emails…e.g. ask what she’s doing to keep busy, what she’s reading, talk about her friendships, children, etc.
When she trusts that you’re on her side, she’ll be able to tolerate inquiries about her health without suspecting you’re after her on weight loss again.
When you find an opportunity, suggest that a medical check-up is wise at her age, for her energy and well-being. If she’s truly underweight, or anorexic, her physician will hopefully spot it and deal with her about it.
If you’re sure she’s dangerously obsessed with weight loss (and not just too-thin by your own standards), you could take the risk of calling her doctor ahead, in confidence, and telling him of your concerns.

I recently got married; my wife and my parents formerly got along fabulously.
My wife and I had agreed that our guests' cash gifts would remain private. But I changed my mind when my parents requested knowing their friends’ contributions, so they could reciprocate to friends’ children.
My wife is extremely upset with my parents and me, and my parents are extremely upset with her.
I’m stuck in the middle trying to change her mind as I feel it’s not a big deal.

- Insight?

You were wrong not to have gone to your wife first, when your parents asked for the sums. They had a reasonable explanation, which she’d likely have understood, then.
But by “changing your mind” after an agreement, you showed disregard and disloyalty to your bride.
Apologize to her.
Forget the sums for now. When there’s an upcoming wedding, ask her then if she could help them reciprocate.