I’ve been divorced for 13 years. I was receiving child support (court-ordered) for the first few years, but then my ex would take stress leave for the summers and get behind in payments. Eventually he got fired.

Whenever he found a new job, his wages would get taken from his pay (garnished), I’d receive a few payments, he’d quit, and get another job, and the cycle continued.

He preferred not to work than to paying his children’s support. He now only works where he gets paid "under the table," he cannot get a driver's license, own anything of value, and hasn't filed income tax for years.

The last payment I received was seven years ago. Today, he owes over $30,000 in child support. I’ve had to re-mortgage twice and struggle everyday to pay my bills, but I manage. I’ll always do my best for my children.

Hiring a lawyer would cost money that I probably would never get back.

What might happen is that my children's father would go to jail and I don't want my kids to have a father in jail. I’ve never spoken ill of him to them and never will. I never wanted them to think of their dad as a deadbeat. Any advice for someone in my shoes?

Unsupported Divorcee

I have huge respect for you. It’s not bankable but I hope it boosts your self-respect for the children-first decisions you’ve made during a tough struggle.

I receive many emails from divorced women in your shoes, and from divorced men who explain their reasons for stopping support.

Many of these women vent their anger and make sure the kids know how their father’s let them down.

Many of the men vent anger too, and use non-payment as a weapon to continue old marital battles, or “get back at the system” that they believe is stacked against men.

You’ve stayed above this fray and done your best to manage.

Advice? You could try seeking affordable help from a legal aid clinic, based on the court order. Or you can carry on as you have, with admirable dignity.

I’m 16, having a relationship problem with this guy that I like, but haven’t told my feelings. Lately, he’s hanging around with my "best friend."

I told her about my feelings, hoping she’d back off. But everyday in class, they talk and I'm just sitting there like I'm invisible. If he does talk to me, she butts in.

He invited her to go with him and friends to an amusement park, and didn't invite me.

Ever since, I've been hearing about all the fun they had, which just kills me inside. They plan on going out again with another group of friends. I asked if I could join, but he told me I should die (jokingly of course).

I don’t know if I should even like him anymore. He's been sending me mixed signals. I felt we could’ve become something if she hadn't interfered.

Best Friend Rival

It’s sometimes hard to understand relationship disappointments when you’re 16. But experiences like this teach you plain truths:

a) Just liking someone in your head (and telling a girlfriend) doesn’t make it happen and can’t be called a relationship.

b) A friend who muscles in knowing your feelings is breaking the “best friend” code.

Reality check – these two are having some level of a relationship. His “die” response is rude and unkind. Even said “jokingly,” it’s offensive.

There’ve been no “mixed messages”… just clear ones. He’s not worth your interest.

My friend’s very needy and insecure. I’ve tried discussing it gently, to no avail.

When I recently bought a gift for someone’s daughter, she commented, “You buy a one-year old a better gift than you’ve ever bought me? Hmmmph!”

She cuts me off if I talk about myself. Many of her relationships with other people also revolve around her issues only.
When she meets a guy, she talks obsessively about him. Her dating often ends quickly as the guy’s been smothered by texts and unrealistic demands for time, gifts, and attention.

However, I don’t want to just give up on her. I don’t have a lot of close girlfriends. When she’s in a good mood we have fun together.

Exhausting Friend

The positives here seem way short of the negatives. You might find it easier to work on making new friends than to hang in with this self-centered person who sucks your energy.