I broke up with my boyfriend of five years, seven months ago. I still think about him and still feel angry because he did drugs behind my back. I feel 50/50 about wanting him back.
I’m also against his friends that encourage his pot smoking. He promised he’d quit. But he’d sneak around and smoke with his buddies and lie to me.
I felt so hurt and betrayed. I still love him.
His family was great to me; I miss them the most.
Except for the drugs, I like his good-hearted, and caring nature.
I’m open to meeting new people but it seems to be not working.
- Feeling Stuck
You’re only “stuck” in this 50-50 limbo because you’re afraid to move forward from what was familiar for so long.
You took the right, strong step in breaking off.
He knew drugs were a deal-breaker for you, yet risked it. That’s not as “caring” as you like to think, nor want and need from a partner.
It takes time before you can feel energetic and positive about new people, after a long relationship.
Meantime, pamper yourself with seeing close friends and taking care of your own comforts.
Do not get in contact with his family (other than Christmas cards) until you’re over this guy. That WILL happen, soon.
My boyfriend of two months and I are both recently separated; he has a son, 5, whom he sees once weekly and every other weekend.
When I asked what’s happening involving his divorce or separation papers and a visiting schedule, he says he was instructed by his lawyer to take it slow.
I’d like to start a family and get things going on my side.
His ex sometimes calls at night to talk about their son and makes him feel guilty about not seeing him enough.
I feel like I’m being pushed aside.
His son sees me sometimes and tells her that I was with them. I know she hates that.
He’s said he loves me and he wants to be with me, but if I can’t deal with the current situation then it’s best to part.
What do I do?
- Pushed Aside
You’re rushing this guy at the wrong time, and he’s right to tell you to stop the pressure, if you hope for a future together.
The period of adjusting to being apart from children is heart-wrenching for most non-custodial parents. If you don’t give him space and time to settle into a routine that works, he’ll resent you for it later.
Your push to get pregnant so early in this relationship suggests you’re feeling needy and insecure. You’re also giving little thought to raising a child with someone whom you don’t know that well and is currently unsettled.
Back off and be a supportive partner, or read his lips that this won’t work otherwise.
My father-in-law is Old World - though I’m of a different religion and culture, he comes over and argues with me about why I should follow his traditions. My husband says nothing.
Tell Hubby this is his battle – he’s the one who left the traditional path by marrying you, and he must explain to his father that he loves you and that you two will follow the traditions and ways that you choose. He must assure his father he’s welcome, but if he keeps up the arguments, he’ll be asked to leave.
My wife shows no sexual interest in me.
She’s a housewife; I’m a business professional.
She gets annoyed when I plan sex. I wouldn't have to plan, if it ever happened on its own.
She regularly refuses and says I’m a pervert and sex addict.
Once or twice a month doesn't work for me. Her excuses are the kids, she’s tired, etc.
I’ve tried buying her lingerie and some for myself but it’s just put away. She even threatens divorce.
There’s usually a deeper reason behind withholding sex – so if you haven’t already done so, I suggest finding out what’s missing for her – e.g. enough time for herself away from kids, socializing outside the home, help with housework and/or child-rearing.
However, if sex is “perverse” or frightening to her, you need to see a sex therapist together, to learn how to connect through a range of intimate behaviour.
Tip of the day:
It’s dangerous to idealize the past and return to an ex whom you already realized wasn’t right for you.