I received a message through a dating website from a lady who lives across the country. After my response, she asked me to call her.
When I did, she immediately invited me to visit her. She was already talking about our joining together. I gently declined the invitation.
I have no intention of getting involved with her, but am concerned that she might get into trouble with some dishonest man who’d gain her trust and rip her off.
In my humble opinion, she should stop looking for a man currently, and get professional counselling.
She’s obviously desperate and needs help, but she didn’t ask for my advice, and I’m unsure whether I should offer it.
It’s not my business, but I don’t feel easy doing nothing about it.
You have a good heart and intent, but you’re ability to help a stranger miles away is limited.
A simple message of concern might trigger awareness in her, IF she’s as desperate and vulnerable as you assume.
You could say that you believe it’s unwise for people to consider becoming partners when they’ve only just made contact and know nothing about each other. And, you worried that she might message someone who’d take advantage of her being so trusting.
But don’t suggest counseling; it could be taken as an insult, and if she knows how to reach you, could start a backlash of anger.
Your online instinct was wise. After all, she could be the scammer here who was trying to lure you to some advantage for her!
I've been in a terrible relationship with a guy I still love. He was abusive and had control over my feelings, thoughts, and everything.
I try to ignore his phone calls, but it's so hard. I don’t know why I feel like I'm in love with him.
But he's terrible, and trying to make my life hell when I'm not with him.
I've broken up with him and stayed strong for a month with a new boyfriend, but he came into my life and got me to cheat with him.
He has so much control over me, it's scary. It's almost like I'm addicted to him.
I lost my virginity to him, so maybe that's part of it.
Everyone’s trying to help me, but it's just not easy. He's so manipulative and persuasive.
Why is this happening to me?
The truly scary thing here is how little control you have over yourself. You have to get a grip on protecting yourself from this guy’s abuse and manipulation.
You compare it to an addiction, and think it relates to him being your first sexual partner.
But that’s a cop-out excuse. You’re young, with a long life ahead, and the opportunity to have loving sex with decent, caring people you can respect.
First, you have to respect yourself. And stop letting this “terrible” guy mess you up.
You have supporters, so stay around them. Cut off all contact with him, and only be with people who help you feel good about yourself.
This isn’t a drama to gossip about, and then go back to him. It’s about who YOU want to be as a person – happy and healthy, or caving in to an “addiction” he pushes like a self-serving dealer.
Tell him to stop harassing you, and that you’re considering going to the police to report it, and his past abuse – whether physical, verbal, and/or emotional.
Save yourself from the train wreck he’s offering you.
My close friend’s new baby daughter is first cousin to my daughters.
I naturally lent her all my baby clothes, including sentimental pieces I’d never have lent to anyone else.
Others were still tagged as brand-new - gifts I’d received from relatives.
She’s been posting these items for sale on a public Facebook group. They’re in sizes still too big for her baby.
If she didn't want them, shouldn't she have given them back to me, or asked me before selling them?
I don't know how to tell her that I'm upset and embarrassed because my mother also saw these posts about clothing she’d given to my daughters.
Yes, it’s awkward, and she acted insensitively. However, when you handed over the clothes, you either had to clearly state they were “on loan,” or they became hers to do as she pleased.
Tell your Mom, and yourself, that asking for any back, will risk a deeper rift.
Tip of the day:
Reality Check: Until you personally meet online dating contacts, they’re strangers.