I’m 18, a senior in high school, and developed a crush on my friend's ex-girlfriend. They broke up several months ago. I decided to risk my friendship for my crush, especially as my friend and I had become less close.

When he found out about my feelings (she told him), he informed me that they were still talking and involved, secretly. The girl later confirmed this to me, though she admitted to having some interest in me, too.

She and I both agreed to stay friends. But now, when I see her with my friend, I feel huge jealousy. Her other friends hate him because he’s behaved coldly to her in the past. That’s why they don’t want to get back together publicly. I’m the only other person that knows about them and I've seen that they still care for each other.

It hurts, because I’m around her a lot at school. I've never felt so deeply before. How do I move on when everyone else seems so superficial?

Also, how do I handle my friend since he feels guilty that their secret has put me in an awkward position?

He's become antisocial, irritable, and moody with both of us.

Caught Between Them

Back out of their relationship and don’t discuss it with either of them. It’s making you feel more attached to her, and more jealous of him.

He’s not just feeling “guilty.” He’s reacting to your involvement in their personal story.

You’re all at an age of strong emotions, but without the experience to manage them.

Infatuation and jealousy are common but don’t convince yourself that your discomfort will last.

It’ll end when you start talking to others at school, when you relate to her as a classmate, and not her confidante. And, when you see him as a guy friend, on his own.

My mother has a toxic relationship with her siblings. I refuse to get involved or listen to their family drama, along with all of my cousins and siblings.

She frequently calls me crying. I can't deal with it. No matter how upset she gets, she keeps getting involved in their drama.

Sometimes I don't want to speak with her anymore because I can't handle consoling her over the same issues when she’s a part of the problem.

I’m in touch with my uncles and aunts but keep them at arm’s length and change the subject when they start talking about each other.

I change the subject but I hate knowing my mom’s upset, and I'm not doing anything about it.

Drama Dilemma

They are her siblings, and their dramas have had a lifetime of development. You’re unlikely to change her.

But cutting her off to avoid hearing about it would only leave her with another hurt.

She doesn’t expect you to resolve the relationships that are specific between them only. That’s a burden you’ve placed on yourself unnecessarily.

When she cries, she wants comfort, not judgment. She clearly gets enough of that from them.

Spend your time with her in pleasant diversions for you both. When you get together, go for walks, to movies, shopping, whatever you can both enjoy.

When she calls, listen briefly, say something soothing, then discuss plans for the next outing, or talk about what you did.

In other words, change your reaction to the drama, since you can’t change hers. And change your perception of your role with her.

She comforted you as a child, now you can sometimes comfort her.

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Reader – “My wife, when single, had a beloved cat. I had to eventually say that if she cannot give up the cat, we couldn’t be together.

“I felt badly about saying that, but I know the intensity of my asthma (lungs filling with fluid, unable to breathe) and how cats trigger it.

“But as we progressed to discussing marriage, I’d explained things in depth - and she already knew of my allergy.

“Warning to the woman: This cat can be the end of the relationship if she chooses it over her partner.

“Some allergies simply aren't tamed by anti-histamines or other ingredients in allergy medication.  The option of treatments to de-sensitize an allergy is risky, costs hundreds of dollars (not usually covered under government or benefit plans), and there’s no promise the treatment would work.”