My partner's from Asia. We each have children from previous marriages, and I also have stepchildren. We met through work, respected each other's accomplishments, worked well together, and fell in love. He's moved here to be with me.

We're from different races, different countries, religions, and background upbringing. But we share similar interests and compatibility. Is that enough?

Still Uncertain

Your uncertainty reflects the ups and downs of an adjustment period. Mature, experienced people, who know themselves well, and have true compassion for each other's issues, CAN be successful at this cross-culture kind of relationship.

Of course, it's not easy. Small things can trigger annoyance, and big things can create periods of chaos as you each struggle with not expecting things to go your own way.

But your differences are so obvious, it should not take too much for one or both of you to recognize when a problem arises, step back, try to be that mature person I described above, and seek counselling help for an objective view and workable solutions if things get too complicated.

I'm married to someone whose cup is always "half empty." She's never happy with any gift I give her - "too expensive," "not needed," "wrong colour," etc.

When our kids are being adorable and fun, she finds something they're doing wrong. When the house is cluttered with homework, toys, games... it's too small. Other times, it's costing too much money. I love her but I can't please her.

Frustrated

It's an annoyance, but not a deal-breaker, so it falls into the category of "needs to be managed." Don't expect her to love your gift... either ask her exactly what she wants, give her a gift certificate, spend on something for the two of you (at least you will enjoy it) or accept this is just the way she is.

My daughter talks of nothing but getting married, and I'm worried she'll convince a guy "friend" she's known for years into proposing. Her girlfriends all got engaged or married in the last couple of years. She's 31 and thinks life is passing her by.

She's liked this male friend but he's never indicated he wanted more. Now she seems to be trying to talk him into it. Meanwhile, she's ignoring that he's very attached to his Italian family, still lives at home, supports his parents, and has no great ambition for a home and life apart from them.

How can I get her to look at this guy and others more as future candidates, not just as conduits to an engagement ring and a wedding?

Concerned Mother

Have a conversation in which you show interest in what's clearly her most pressing topic... but not judgment. Ask some of the questions that can cause her to think deeper about this guy or others: What qualities does he have that make you feel he'd be a good partner? How do you see yourself living together, and do you think he sees the future that same way?

Remember, this should be a loving mother's chat with a daughter, not a lecture. She doesn't even have to answer each question... if she hesitates or cuts you off, just say you're hoping SHE is thinking about these things, to reassure herself that she's on the right track with the right guy.

Simply explain that if she's not, then going forward with someone who doesn't share her ideas about partnership and lifestyle, can be lonelier than waiting for someone who does.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who created a false dating site profile specifically to attract her boyfriend and see if he's cheating (Oct. 20):

Reader - "To check to see if your new boyfriend still has his profile up on a dating site is typical and recommended. When you meet on a site, you don't know this person, his background, his friends, etc.

"Having discovered that he's still searching, it's also natural to see if he'd actually date another woman.

"You say she's compounded his deceit with one of her own - but these are two different types of deceit. I don't think she needs his forgiveness."

Luring him towards a false profile specifically designed to attract him, is sneaky and brings distrust to both. If she'd confronted him, insisting he close down his profile or they part, the new boundaries are clear. They either move forward with mutual trust, or break up.