I'm a well-educated professional who's had many committed, monogamous relationships, yet never married. Recently, after two and a half years together, my partner and I, both 40s, parted, yet I miss and love her.
We got along well, appreciate similar things, come from similar backgrounds, have similar financial goals and values. With her, I'm loving, appreciative, and careful to balance her need for time alone with time together.

However, I was her first long-term relationship. The tension involved her poor behaviour. Her mother's an emotionally abusive bully, who uses wealth and arrogance to control people, including me. In my parents' relationship, there was never yelling or conduct like that.

I got worn down, waiting for my partner's outbursts... something she learned from her mother. She'd erupt, and then apologize. I don't respond well to being treated poorly. We once took a break for several months.
Part of her frustration involves me - downsized in the 2009 financial crash. She had difficulty understanding the amount of effort and time it takes to find work. I'm often told I'm overqualified. I've worked contract and seasonal work, sometimes six days weekly, yet she decried my "poor work ethic."

She acts utterly independent yet expects me to be a strong, masculine provider. She was upset because I lived too far away, yet didn't want me to move closer. Yet I don't believe that people are perfect. I'm unsure whether to hold on to this love I feel, or let her go.

Torn

She's not going to change easily, since her behaviour pattern was learned from childhood. And it's persisted, which is likely why you're her first long-term relationship.

So, though she's got to want to re-connect enough to do some hard work on her herself - through therapy and self-awareness - you'll have to learn to react differently, and try to not take her outbursts too seriously.

All this requires a strong mutual commitment, and willingness to re-build the relationship over time. Plus one more crucial requirement - she disengages from her mother's control and you both set boundaries on the woman's involvement in your life together.

I'm trying to decide whether to end a two-year long-distance relationship. My fiancé lives overseas, and for us to be together he must move here, with a financial risk as well as risk being rejected for immigration.
Also, since four months into our relationship, he's hurt me a lot: Having a "close" online relationship with a friend to whom he admitted being confused about his feelings, his lies and addiction to porn, as well as small lies and evasions. I also learned he disrespected and talked bad about me to his ex because he was upset.
I believe he's a good person deep down, and committed to our relationship, but I'm worried I have too much resentment and it'll be a risk for me to have him immigrate here and support him.
Sometimes the obvious isn't clear when you're in a relationship.

Cut My Losses?

It IS clear... end it! The major risk isn't about supporting him, but living with his lies, disrespect, and porn addiction. All that's bad enough at long-distance, but when living together, it's a trifecta bet on disaster. Get out when you can. If he leaves his job and country for your sake, you'll be responsible for him until he's well settled.

Far worse, this kind of guy will resent you if he faces any difficulties from the move. He's already shown you those nasty stripes.

My girlfriend and I have boyfriends who don't like each other. We're women in our 40's, friends for many years. We kept closely connected even when each of us was previously married.

But now we both have new partners, and live close by. Yet it's clear these two men are very different in their politics and lifestyle tastes. My guy is pretty rude when he's with hers, and he responds by raising topics that he knows will cause conflict.

Should we women insist that our men curb their opinions and act politely when we're all together or do we just forget our friendship at this point in our lives?

Stymied

See your girlfriend on your own, don't even bother discussing these guys. Their schoolyard behaviour is silly, but if that's the only time they're contrary, it's not worth uncomfortable get-togethers.

Enjoy Girl's Night Out, shopping forays, etc. You need women friends.