How are you supposed to feel when you start a relationship? I'm thinking of two guys - one I see being a good, attentive, kind boyfriend. But the physical attraction, although present, isn't particularly huge.

The other I find really attractive, but I don't have any immediate confidence in his reliability - he seems flaky. Is there really such a thing as a "perfect balance?"

Should I go for instant attraction, or work towards building my 'like' into respect, honesty, and possibly love?

Two Choices

Here's how you're NOT supposed to feel - 1) that there are only two choices out there, and 2) that calculating the odds on happiness with one or the other of these two, will produce the right answer.

Wrong approach. There are lots of guys out there, and, if neither of these candidates makes you tingle with happiness and certainty, then neither one is your Mr. Right.

"Perfect balance" is an elusive pot of gold, since it can only be found when both sides in a couple combine their talents and attributes to work out a balanced relationship together.

It seems you're not even close yet. When you eventually meet someone with whom you want to develop a closer bond, even if he's not "perfect," you'll know it.

I'm 15, and ever since I can remember I've been a pathological liar. I crave attention, or else I go into depression mode. I make up the craziest stories just to get people to comfort me.

Every friend I've ever had, I've lied to. My lies get crazier and crazier. I'm feeling way too paranoid and sensitive. I keep thinking everyone's against me.

I take it out on my mom, sometimes even my friends. I live in fear of someone leaving me. When I was in grade six, my best friend left me for someone else. I was their main target of bullying until I went to a new school. But the bullying continued.

I was harassed by some boys who thought I liked someone, but I didn't. They kept calling me names. It soon ended and I left it alone.

Then, some girls thought it'd be funny to comment on my pictures and say rude things. Thankfully, I haven't been cyber-bullied in a long time.

When I went into high school, I started hiding behind tons of makeup, clothing, and hair. Suddenly I was pretty, people liked me a lot. I was part of a drama group where I loved everyone in it. But I found a way to screw it up.

Now, everyone seems so distant, like they're avoiding me and don't want to be friends anymore.

What's wrong with me? I feel so lonely. I've never had a real boyfriend. Everyone seems happier, and more normal than I am.

Depressed

Help is out there, waiting for you to reach out. Your mother can be your biggest ally in finding the right help. An immediate start can be made through calling your local distress centre (see Yellow Pages online or in your phone book). Trained responders will refer you to counseling, so you can start to deal with your depression.

Also, your family doctor should check you for any medical factors, which can be treated. As for your earlier experiences, it's NOT abnormal to have abandonment fears, or to be affected by bullying.

Once you understand the causes of your fears and sensitivities, you can become pro-active in dealing with them, as well as your depression.

I work in a small four-person office, like my job and my boss, except... he's realized I take things at face value.

So, he thinks its hilarious to email me that he's going to force another employee to go part-time, or have a co-worker call that she's been stranded by him in another city, just to see my reaction.
It's becoming more frequent and absurd. Or I'll assume he's pulling a prank, and so dismiss it, only to discover he's serious.

I just can't tell the difference anymore. How do I make him realize this without sounding like a stick in the mud?

Joke Butt

Next joke, laugh. Then say, "that's it, I'm not your fall guy any more." If someone calls that they're stranded, forward the call to your boss. If someone's going part-time, say bye-bye. Keep your head down and this jokester will look for another victim.