Our relationship started full of passion. We made love daily, sometimes more. We did drink often, though.
After several months, he wanted it less. I was very concerned about his attraction towards me. His excuse: “I’m scared you’ll get pregnant,” “I’m tired and stressed,” etc.
I got pregnant. We’re still together, and he treats me great. But he still doesn’t desire sex with me as much.
He’s said he wants me to want him; that his past relationships were based on him dominating through sex, that he knows how he feels about our connection and me is good enough satisfaction for him. I don’t get it.
He says to “surprise” him… but when I try to initiate, he blows me off! He’s 27!
We have sex once or twice weekly… and at least once it’s because I said something.
However, he tells me every day he loves me. He has said that pregnant women turn him on, so I feel not good enough!
Are we just on different pages sexually?
Frustrated in Charlotte, N.C.
Look at the whole relationship, not just the sex. Your need for daily sex sounds like insecurity. Though your libido may be stronger than his, you’re driven by needing him to constantly prove his passion.
Meanwhile, he’s proved his love, loyalty, and consistency in treating you “great.”
Most couples settle down from initial daily-plus sex accompanied by drinking, when dating. Life, work, pregnancy, stress, and less drinking – none is better for you and the baby’s development - calm the passion somewhat, normally.
Twice-weekly sex is common, and it doesn’t matter who initiates, as long as it’s not always and only you.
There are many changes ahead – taking care of a baby, raising the child – so focus on priorities. If there’s mutual love, you don’t need daily sex to have self-confidence.
I’m a singer, 21, striving for my career and doing well. However, I fooled around with my guitar player, 45, when he was on a break from his girlfriend. The relationship grew intense. My feelings got stronger as the music brought us closer.
He re-connected with his girlfriend. She’s begging him for marriage - with no idea what continues between us.
I believe he thinks our relationship’s inappropriate, and that it’s safer to marry her. He demonstrates guilt, but we continue.
I’m heart-broken. If he marries her, my career’s halted, and I lose someone I love and now see constantly.
I feel guilty about his girlfriend, but I feel I’m also a victim.
I said I’d no longer continue recording together if he marries her, it’d be too painful.
Can people aged 45 and 21 make a relationship work?
So far nobody knows about us.
Find a new guitar player. If you and this man end up together, you’ll then have a back up, create a bigger group, whatever.
But the stronger likelihood is this guy will move on. And letting that ruin your career is self-destructive and a waste.
Your music talent isn’t dependent on another person. Unless you know that and act on it, you’ll short-circuit your own success repeatedly.
A large age gap can be surmounted sometimes. But your limited independence keeps you emotionally hooked. It’s not an equal relationship. Though his decision is probably made, he’s sleeping with, and cheating on you, both.
Separate the affair from the music. There are other musicians. Protect your future.
Whatever happens, keep singing no matter what.
My friend gave me someone's cell number. So, this boy and me got closer, we had a fling. I didn't know that they were actually boyfriend and girlfriend.
Now, all my friends are angry with me. They told me that I'm a slut.
They’re posting abusive messages about me on Facebook. They’re messaging and harassing me on my mobile number.
I need help to get through this and stop the harassment when I didn’t know those two had a relationship.
Sounds like you were set-up for this harassment – the number given, the guy part of the deal, and you a target for the others to go after.
You’re not a slut for getting caught in this trap (in future, be more skeptical and cautious when things move too quickly).
Avoid this group. Alert your parents/support people. If it persists, alert police, and any officials you deal with (e.g. school principal). Cyber-stalking and harassment are illegal.
Tip of the day:
Healthy sex is the hallmark of a good relationship, not its only basis.