I have a big heart and I'm a caring person. As of late, I’ve gotten to know a great lady, a humane and overall fantastic woman. She's married and has an adorable child.

She recently confided in me about some personal stuff and it sickens me to see what she has to go through and put up with.

She reminds me a lot of my late mom and the more I get to know her, the more I see a resemblance.

I too am married... not quite 100% happy but perhaps content.

I can't stop thinking about this great lady and it just seems to be getting harder and harder as each day goes by, as I feel helpless when I want to be there for her.

She's the caliber of woman I always dreamt I would end up with....

Drawn to Her

-“Not 100% happy” is a pretty weak expression, or excuse, for non-commitment to your marriage. Yet I believe it’s yourself with whom you’re really not happy.

Moreover, you’ve been so easily attracted to save this woman from whatever problems she has, that you’re becoming obsessed with seeing yourself as her rescuer.

You’re on the brink of what could be a terrible mistake.

She is NOT your mother, nor the image of her. If you’re discontent with “the caliber” of your wife, you’re actually unhappy with your own past choices. Imagining this woman is like your mother may be contributing to this self-critical feeling.

See a therapist. This woman has sparked more than caring in you… she’s triggered a crisis of self-doubts that could destroy your marriage. But it’s far more unlikely to lead to the 100 % happiness quota you think is possible with her.

I have an issue and its bad: I live with my partner, I love him deeply, and plan on marrying him one day… so that’s all good.

But I work with a woman and I have a girl crush on her - like I want to kiss her and touch her but I can’t because it’s just a crush, right?

What can I do to get it out of my system? I love my partner but my body wants her as well as him…

Need Help

For the sake of your partner and yourself, you need to consider whether this crush means you’re bisexual and just realizing it, or a lesbian whose sexual orientation is just now surfacing. Or, whether this is indeed “just a crush” triggered by sexual fantasy.

If the latter, which you seem to believe (or want to believe) you can control the crush by using the fantasy to spice up sex with your existing partner.

This is a normal, common way of “bringing home” a crush, whether it’s about another man or a woman.

You may be wise not to be specific with your guy that you’re thinking about this particular woman whom you work with daily, while making love with him.

But he’ll likely be aroused by hearing of your having a general sexual fantasy about women, or just by enjoying your own increased passion from it.

However, if your crush doesn’t subside, and you’re still conflicted, think more deeply about your sexual orientation and identity, to decide what you want to do about it.

This is a different journey than just carrying a crush, and has long-term meaning for your life. So, if that’s the route you need to consider, take your time and dig deep into what feels right for you, more than just titillating.

My four adult stepchildren periodically descend on our house, having made plans to get together without anyone asking me.

My husband (their father) will placate me by saying that he’ll barbeque, they’ll bring stuff, etc.

They do usually bring some things  – treats for their kids (seven in total, under age 8), maybe one salad, wine, and beer, which they drink copiously.

I’m exhausted after every visit. How do I deal with this without saying “No” which will upset my husband?

Too Much

Take control. Do it nicely, but firmly. Create a list of what’s needed and circulate it… main course, salads, breads, fruit, dessert, drinks, and any special items for kids. Ask people to sign off on what they’ll bring and prepare. If that doesn’t take hold as a pattern, assign specific tasks to them.

There’s enough work for you and your husband in setting up and later putting things away.