We've been friends for three years, having met on a networking site through family. He lives in Kenya (where I'm originally from), but I didn't meet him until my trip back last year.
Prior, we chatted online occasionally, but never spoke to each other. I hadn't expected to get close to him. When I travelled to Kenya, he was in a relationship.
However, when I returned here, he started talking to me more frequently, and he recently broke up with his girlfriend. I've been there for him, helping him out like any friend would.
But he started revealing feelings for me, and saying he'd love to meet a girl like me and marry someone just like me.
There are many complications for us to be together that way, especially since neither of us is looking to move. I love being friends with him; he's helped me out a lot and is always there when I need to talk to someone.
But I'm afraid that these feeling we have will get in the way. Everyone's telling me that he's using me and I should stop talking to him, but I don't want to mess up a good friendship. I've tried to keep my distance and he doesn't like it, because he says he needs me just as a friend. How do I handle this?
Listen to your own good logic - neither of you intends to move. Meaning: End any thoughts of a potential relationship. But there's no need to end the friendship.
Too often couples enter into long-distance romances hoping they'll "somehow" work out. They can, but at some point, they must move together, willingly, for it to last.
Friends who say he's "using" are just being disruptive. You want and enjoy the friendship, and as in all connections, both of you "use" each other as pals, confidantes, listening posts, etc. So long as it's not one-sided, that's part of being pals.
However, you mention his mention of "feelings" but downplay your own. If there's a growing mutual attraction, think back to your logic and then think ahead. If neither will even consider moving, tell him you must both cool it for awhile, or the relationship will go sour even as friends.
My boyfriend never takes me anywhere nice. We either eat out in fast-food places, or do take-out and watch a movie at home. He says I'm pretty and that I have a good figure, but I'm always in jeans or yoga pants when I'm not at my job, with nowhere to wear a pretty dress or even a fancy top and sexy skirt. I feel like we're roommates instead of lovers (we do have regular sex, but it's same-old boring too).
How can I get him to treat me like a woman he wants to take out and show off?
It's the sex that's the significant clue here. The spark is missing in this relationship. Perhaps you both need to show warmer appreciation for each other in everyday ways - touching, cuddling, taking time for intimacy, and leaving sticky notes with loving messages instead of just shopping lists or chores.
If you ramp up the passion between you, he'll be more likely to respond to suggestions of a romantic date-night out, when you can dress up to please him.
Also, start trying to change the routines - not only where you go out, but also how you approach each other for sex when you're home together.
After two years of marriage, my husband's still more attached to his mother than me.
He takes her constant calls, even when we're in bed. She has a key and arrives whenever she pleases. If she needs a lift or help getting groceries, he goes without asking if I had other plans.
I sometimes feel that if I leave, he won't even notice because she'll move in and take care of him again.
Tell him a strong mother respects a strong son, and he must protect the privacy of his marriage. Insist on you two setting some limits. Most important - she gives back her key (or you change the locks) and she calls only once a day at a set time, except for real emergencies.
Include a regular time for her to visit when you both welcome her warmly, so she'll stop being afraid she's lost her boy.
Tip of the day:
A long-distance romance rarely lasts, if neither side eventually moves to be together.