While working a late shift, my boss was also there late. I knocked on his door when leaving. Through a glass panel I glimpsed his computer screen - he was browsing porn.
He immediately closed the window. (I don't think he knows I saw his screen). We exchanged goodnights.
I felt uncomfortable. There are industry rumors that he was fired for watching porn at two previous jobs.
I'm no prude but I don't feel what he was doing was right. Yet I don't want to be seen as a "sh-t disturber" since I sometimes bring up things that can be improved, and some bosses see it as an intrusion.
This boss is my direct superior, but there are two men above him, one the President of the company. We have no HR department.
I’d feel guilty if he got fired in this economy, and also because unfortunate other things (not his fault) have happened to him recently.
How should I handle this?
Tell him you saw him watching porn at work and it made you uncomfortable. Say that anyone else working late might be even more upset by this and it could cost him his job.
Add that if you knew he’d stop the habit at work, you’d let it pass…. this once.
Meanwhile, write a dated report of the incident and your follow-up conversation, to keep on file. If he ever tries to turn this against you, hand the company President your record of his behavior.
Recently, my daughter, 36, starting smoking again and drinking.
She and her husband have a Down Syndrome baby, 20 months. She’s been asking us to watch the baby for longer periods.
Finally, her husband confided that she wants a divorce. She’s been staying out all night and lying about her whereabouts.
When confronted by her brother, sister, dad and myself, she became belligerent. She’s repeatedly lied to all of us.
We’ve learned that she’s having an affair with a fellow employee, 26.
Initially, her husband wanted her back, and then wanted to sell the house and move back to British Columbia.
My daughter and I have had heavy verbal fights. She refuses to seek help and continues to lie. My only contact is through babysitting my grandson twice weekly.
Her husband’s a great guy and an amazing father. She knows he’s always there for the baby. He still believes her lies. Similar behaviour surfaced when she lived in B.C. but we weren’t involved then. She’s been married before and had several live-in men.
She also has a daughter, 16, whom she gave up for adoption at birth. Also, she’s not dealt with the fact her son has challenges ahead.
Do I watch her hurt her husband even more, or do I tell him when I know she’s lying?
Talk to your son-in-law and help him make a plan for this divorce that seems inevitable.
He needs to see a lawyer to learn what to expect in a break-up. He also needs to think about where he can get good resources for his son’s development and care, if raising him on his own. He may be better off to stay near involved grandparents than to move.
Tell him the facts that you know. But stop having family gang-ups and fights with your daughter. She’s irresponsible and prefers escape to responsibility, so arguing with her won’t change much. She needs counselling to probe her behavior, but will likely refuse.
Focus on the baby’s needs.
I sometimes do chores with my younger sister. If our parents aren’t in the room, she pushes my buttons the whole time. I end up having to apologize for no reason.
When I ask, “what for?” she answers, "you know." When I talk to my parents, I'm told to be mature enough to ignore her. The one time they showed some understanding, my sister's excuse was that she was tired, but she acts exactly the same every time.
Find a calm time to ask your parents for some help understanding your sister. Tell them you can’t be “mature” if you don’t get why she does things this way, which makes you feel treated as inferior.
But also try to change the pattern that allows for her “button-pushing.” Change the scene – play music you both like, discuss a movie you’ve both seen. Try new ways to respond… or ignore, if necessary.
Tip of the day:
Porn watching at work is offensive to others. If it can’t be stopped, report it.