I’m 26, engaged to an amazing woman who just graduated University, and works part-time. Her parents are late-50s. Since their financial troubles, her mother’s gone downhill. She does all the housework and yard-work for their large house, but it’s too much. She also cleans houses for some income.

She’s very judgmental, but we’re fine with our just-purchased small house, planning a small wedding, and having children soon.

She’s very erratic, emotional, and can’t reason, pushy and hard to take. My father-in-law’s very smart, able-bodied but hasn’t worked in six years. He stays in his room playing video games.

They drive their car without insurance. They have no phone, no natural gas, no hot water, nor Internet. They dislike each other, should sell their paid-off house and separate, but her father won’t discuss selling.

I help with housework and yard-work, and get her father doing little “jobs” to give him some purpose.

I want to help her family but deal with my own problems – a divorced mom, and my father recently died. I do community volunteer work. Also, my ex isn’t nice. I love my daughter and do what I can on that front.

Overwhelmed at Wit’s End

You are NOT a White Knight who can and must solve everyone’s problems. You have your own - you don’t expect your fiancée to resolve upsets with your ex, or be responsible for your relationship with your daughter (just helpful).

Her dysfunctional parents will drain you dry if you let them. Your fiancée (and any close relatives) should sit down with them – particularly the father who’s “smart” at doing nothing – and warn they’ll lose the house they can’t maintain and it’ll sell for far less due to disrepair.

Instead they can sell soon and buy something they can manage, together or separately… that’s up to them to decide.

Your fiancée should also take your mother for a health check; her decline may have a physical or mental source that needs treatment.

Prioritize – time with your daughter, work, managing your own house and finances. Her parents are not your prime responsibility.

I’m turning 40 soon, female, divorced, successful, and attractive. But everything in my immediate world seems changed, the future unknown. My old girlfriends are all busy, married with kids. I rarely see them. I no longer enjoy going to bars or clubs.

I used to feel strong and accomplished among my girlfriends. But on my own, having left an unhappy two-year marriage, and then dated a lot of jerks, I feel insecure, sometimes lost. Even at work things are changing, and I need to beef up my second job to stay ahead of my bills.

What can I do to return to the happy confident woman I once was?

Uncertainty Rules

Turning 40 is one of life’s great milestones. You’ve already done and grown so much, and there’s so much time ahead to expand upon it. The positives - you are accomplished, have experience, skills, a personal style, and know what you don’t want in relationships.

Look around you at the places and activities where you enjoy yourself, and start trying some new things, too. You’ll find some people with whom you can develop new, satisfying friendships, because they connect with who you are today, not who you once were in high school or in your 20s.

Be open, as new connections to women, men, and all ages can broaden your network of who’ll meet as a potential partner.

My mother-in-law gave my daughter, age four, a rabbit for her birthday. She handed it to her before I was even in the room, so there was no way I could say No. I like animals, but my small house is crowded with four children, their equipment, and toys.

Also my kids (the daughter, three-year-old twins, and a baby) aren’t old enough to consistently keep up the feeding and cage cleaning, etc.

I was flabbergasted that she didn’t call first and ask if I was willing to care for a pet, since it’s obvious that it’ll end up my responsibility. Or if a rabbit was the best pet for this age group. What do you think?

Bunny Woes

She should’ve called first and asked if you were willing to care for a pet. Be sure and leave the rabbit with her if you ever get a weekend away.