I’m mid-40s, been dating a man, 52, whose wife died nine years ago. He’s since had two long-term, and some short-term, relationships but never remarried.

He’s pursued me with daily phone calls, emails, and texts. We’ve had 11 dates and I’ve been aware on each one that he still mentions his late-wife’s name many times, during conversation. He’s made no move toward intimacy, yet calls again as soon as we part.

Do I hang in because he’s so eager for my company, or is he never going to commit to another woman? Is he just not sexually attracted to me?

Mixed Signals

Break it off. He needs to know that other people have feelings, not just him about his loss, which clearly had a lasting effect on him.

He’s become a serial dater - he wants female company, and maybe has sex with some of his temporary companions (perhaps after a long while or when they insist). But I believe he’s not prepared to marry again.

Time may prove me wrong, but how long are you willing to wait? His passionless pursuit already has you doubting your own attractiveness, which is unhealthy for your self-esteem. Move on.

I’m in love with my married teacher. I’m 14. Is it okay for me to tell him my feelings?

Over the Moon

No. You may get him into serious trouble, as he cannot be seen or suspected of encouraging a student. Also, he may turn you down in a way that feels hurtful, when it’s actually his professional duty to stop any emotional connection.

Having a crush is normal, but far more satisfying if you transfer it to someone closer to your age and unattached.

If your feelings persist, talk to your parents or a trusted adult.

Dear Readers – This long-misplaced feedback finally surfaced, regarding the college pal who lost contact with her close friend (July 28):

Reader – “As I read it, I thought of one word: LOVE.

“I had a similar close friend after high school, we did everything together until she met my cousin. I had a very close relationship with him too.

“I wasn't playing matchmaker, they both just happened to come by at the same time on the same day. They started dating, fell in love, and married all within a year or so.

“I barely saw or heard from either of them and I was deeply hurt and jealous. I couldn't understand their behaviour. It all seemed to happen so fast, and I felt abandoned. Although they both did ask me to be a bridesmaid and I accepted gladly.

“About a year later, I met the man I fell in love with and married. I then completely understood both of their behaviours. My whole outlook of the world changed! I ended up apologizing to them both before my wedding day.

“That was more than 25 years ago. I now agree with Ellie that it's just an old connection. You have fond memories too look back on, as I do.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the man whose wife’s clutter habits stressed him (Sept. 29):

Reader #1 – “There are many books on adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Some titles are "Driven to Distraction" and "You Mean I'm not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid" (about adult women with ADD).

“It used to be believed that people outgrew Attention Deficit or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but today it’s believed that it remains with people as adults. There is also counselling and medication for adult ADD and ADHD.”

Reader #2 – “I’ve had problems with chronic disorganization since childhood. Cleaning my room would cause me huge anxiety when I was young.

“My adult disorganization affected my family life and my job. I’ve seen a psychologist to deal with some of the underlying issues (related to both anxiety and learning difficulties with my brain's executive functioning activities).

“For added practical help, a certified professional organizer was an absolute lifesaver. She helped me organize areas of my house, my paperwork, office work, etc. in ways that worked for me and made sense to me.

“She helped me develop systems for dealing with mail, bills, etc. so that paper no longer piles up everywhere. She re-visits occasionally to keep me on track with my organizing. My stress level about the disorganized state of my house is much less than before, and my husband and I no longer have arguments about my "messiness.”