I've been with my boyfriend for three months and I'm extremely happy with him! All last year I was miserable getting over a breakup, and now I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world because, in spite of being in medical school, which is extremely intense, he doesn't let it get in the way of our relationship.
However, my fraternal twin is having a difficult time adjusting to my relationship. She's asking me to take it slow, to come home every night, but I'm not doing anything to speed things up, it's all happening naturally.
We're just so comfortable around each other; things are going really well. I'm 31 so I know what I'm doing, but my sister's asking me to give her time, she doesn't know how long.
Will my coming home every night make this transition easier for her? How can I make things easier for both of us without compromising my relationship?
I'm tired of seeing her so very sad and angry at the same time. I've suggested that she speak to someone but she refuses to do so because she already knows what he or she is going to say... that she needs to stop being so dependent on me. I don't know what to do.
Confused in California
Listen to what Sis is really saying... your relationship is moving so fast so early on, she fears for your long-term happiness as well as for losing you.
Of course, you're happy now! If you weren't in the first three months, there'd be other problems. But why the rush?
You've had other relationships, and you haven't said your twin always reacts this way and tries to hold you back. Something's different this time....
It seems you've been sleeping over with him almost every night. Who's pushing for this intensity and why? Is he actually trying to come between you and your twin? Or are you the one who's acting clingy and dependent on him?
I've been dating a guy for a year; he's separated, and lives out of town. Things have been perfectly fine, it seems there's a strong magnetic connection between us.
However, we've had arguments about the littlest things lately. Also, I've been very emotional because I was recently laid off and am dealing with health issues.
Yesterday he told me something that really shocked me: "If anything happened to us, I would end up going back to my ex because it is so simple."
I messaged him about it and he said he didn't say it with the intention of hurting me. But I felt very hurt. And his ex has come back and is living with him. Now I feel even more uncomfortable.
He says for me to trust him and that he's faithful to me only. Shall I give this time?
Give it space, not time. There's too much complicating this relationship right now. You're understandably vulnerable just from unemployment and health issues. Instead of arguing with you, he needed to be more tolerant and understanding at this time.
But he's wrestling with his own issues. His comment was an alert, even if he didn't mean it as such. Having his ex living there is bound to blur the lines of their separation.
Take a break, and be the one to call it; with confidence you're doing the right thing for yourself. If the connection is real, he should come back to you when he's truly unattached.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman still mourning her beloved dog's death (Dec. 22):
Reader #1 - "Your suggestion that her partner wait, and consider the gift of a dog at a later date than Christmas, was good, sensible and sensitive advice.
"You could've added that he and she should check their local Humane Society, where there are so many puppies and dogs available for adoption."
Reader #2 - "All of the articles I've read from breeders and pet-sellers say not to surprise anyone with a gift of a pet. It's such a personal and emotional decision, not to mention the making of a commitment that may last anywhere from 10 to 20 years, that it shouldn't be made by anyone but the person herself.
"Instead, how about suggesting that he get a gift certificate from a local pet store so she can buy necessities and treats, when she's ready for a new dog."
Tip of the day:
Sometimes relationship red flags are raised by others who care about you - and sometimes they're as clear as day.