I'm with a handsome guy who appears very charming, intelligent, and social to others. But I've seen his ugly side.

He was making odd racial comments towards me (I’m black and he’s white). He said he’s joking; he didn’t have black people in the country he grew up in, so I’ll have to excuse his indiscretions.

We argued about that for weeks until he finally said he’d stop.

Then, he accepted two girls from Europe, whom he’d never met, to stay in his place with his other roommate (who was married but his wife was overseas).

My guy confirmed with the girls before asking if I was free to help him and his roommate that night.

When I questioned it, he said he should have the right to invite anyone, including strangers, into his house.

I agree, but we’d only been dating for four months and I think it’s NOT a common practice (to invite strange women in that circumstance). Meanwhile, the girls never showed.

When I moved in, we’d agreed to pay $150 each for groceries each month… it’s what we could both afford.

I stuck to the budget and got everything we needed. He later said I owe him $150. He’d exceeded the budget by over $300, and said that's how much it costs to feed us both. But he couldn’t produce a receipt.

Minor incidents occurred because I’d differ from his opinions. Rather than just accept that we think differently, he’d become agitated, nag me, and say that if I don’t take his view, it means, “you don't care about me.”

When I once mentioned an alternate ending to a “Breaking Bad” episode, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs.

Recently, he started texting a model he met online, and was arranging a photo shoot of her for his photography project. I accept that he has models around the house. I am a model, too, but he was texting her at 3am.

They’d been texting consistently during days, evenings, and nights, something he doesn't do with other models.

He said she has family problems and doesn’t know if she wants to model. She cancelled shoots several times but he was still texting her.

We arranged to work together the next day on some of our projects, but he later asked if I wanted to go for coffee with him that day. He then said the model will be there too… and he wants to be the person she talks to about her problems.

I asked more questions and he became very aggressive, stating he has the right to meet with anyone he wants, for whatever reason he wants.

He gave me an ultimatum: I should just put up with him going out with other girls or leave. My mantra for a relationship is, "The relationship is not about me; it’s about us."

I want this relationship to work out, but is my optimism pointed in the wrong direction?

Frustrating Partner

There’s more conflict than commitment here. His excusing racist remarks to you, as “indiscretions,” is NOT acceptable, period.

Given his need to always be right – and his screaming when challenged – you can bet those racist “jokes” will happen again.

He’s a man who does what he wants, and digs his heels in when questioned. This will only get worse, because his fallback position is always about him and his rights, not about the relationship.

Move on. The other model is already getting more respect from him.

How do you get a guy to ask you out? Or, how do I ask a guy out? Respond quickly.

Michigan Crush

The worst way to do either is to rush ahead, blurt something out, and feel hurt if the surprised guy doesn’t respond or just laughs you off. (This applies to any hurried, and unexpected dating requests, no matter the genders involved).

You’re obviously obsessed with your secret crush. But that doesn’t mean he’s aware of you.

Do NOT ask him out. First, start a conversation; about anything you might have in common – a class, a sport, music taste, a current TV show, etc. Smile, be friendly, if he doesn’t answer much, say, See you later, and walk away.

Try once more. If nothing happens, drop it, just smile when you see him. He knows who you are, now.

Meanwhile, stay cool. If he does ever talk to you, ask if he wants to chat more somewhere.