My cousin recently had a miscarriage and has been in the hospital for it a lot, because of other health problems, which have evolved from it.
She’s also having a hard time dealing with it all – especially as she’s still going through tests and is very upset.
I just found out that I’m pregnant, though I wasn't purposefully trying. It just happened.
How do I tell my family and my cousin that I'm pregnant?
I feel that when I do tell everyone, they'll think I'm insensitive.
I want everyone to be excited for me, but she should have been pregnant now as well.
Your sensitivity is understandable, though one pregnancy has nothing to do with the other.
Continue to be thoughtful and caring about your cousin, but no matter any family reaction, you have no guilt in the timing of this, and certainly no hurtful intent.
If possible to contain the news, wait till you’re past the usual time of being sure that the pregnancy is secure.
Then tell only your closest people at first – parents, sibling, and best friend.
But if you feel your cousin will hear it from one of them, tell her first.
Tell her you wish the same for her in the future, but don’t dwell on her current physical problems.
She may recover fully and be able to get pregnant again. Or, she and her partner may go a different route to have a family.
While you may be connected with close family ties, pregnancy is not a competition.
If, after hearing of it, she distances for awhile, be as understanding as you are about telling her.
With summer eventually approaching, I’m reminded of what happened again last year.
I was invited to friends’ cottages, but only at the end of the season in the last week or two before they were closing down their cottage.
While I truly appreciate being invited, I would like for a change to be invited at a peak time.
I am always invited on a "Tuesday” (never a weekend) or for that end-of-season time.
I try to be a considerate guest. I always bring supplies, pay more than my share when going out for a meal, and I help with chores and with preparing meals.
Should I just be thankful to be invited at all? Or am I fair in feeling like I’m a second-string guest.
Follow your own first thought: Be thankful to be invited at all.
You’re lucky to be welcomed for even a few days, especially in those mellow days at the wind-down of summer, which some people consider the best time of all.
No one owes you a cottage stay. It’s natural to be “second-string” on the owners’ minds, if you’re not one of their parents, a sibling, or a best friend.
Even if you’re close to them, cottages are not a resort. Not everyone wants to be hosting and entertaining at their summer getaway place.
If a young family’s involved, they’re busy enough.
And they often invite others with young children to keep the kids occupied and happy.
This doesn’t mean you’re being discriminated against.
Rather, an invitation to share the summer slowdown days shows that your hosts are comfortable with your company, and that your efforts to help out are appreciated.
However, showing your gratitude ahead might confirm your place for this summer’s guest list:
Invite your cottage hosts to dinner or take them out, thanking them for their past generosity.
I’ve been helping someone I met five months ago with the business aspect of starting her own band, keeping her Facebook “ live,” improving her website, etc.
We communicate by Facebook, e-mail, and recently by phone every two weeks.
However, I mostly have to reach out by e-mail or through Facebook to get her to respond, and sometimes she doesn’t. I’ve spoken to her about it, but it continues.
She always thanks me for my help but mostly through a written message.
Sometimes it feels like a lack of respect as I do this for free.
Five months of helping someone deserves full responses, and personally-delivered thanks.
If you’ve been helping because you have feelings for her, her behaviour isn’t promising.
Either way, tell her you’ll have to charge a small fee for your time.
Her response to that will tell you whether she’s truly appreciative or just taking what she can get.
Tip of the day:
Be sensitive to another’s miscarriage when announcing your own pregnancy.