A year ago, I accidentally came across my boyfriend's computer file with several hundred photos of naked women. He admitted that he downloaded porn, and that he was addicted to it.

I've since found that he's continued to download porn movies and pictures, including over 1700 small porn video clips.

Several times I've said that it makes me feel uncomfortable, undesirable, etc. I've offered to share his sexuality with him in every way. But he either gets angry or says nothing, looking dejected and hurt.

Should I just learn to live with this? Otherwise, our relationship and our sex life are great. Is this abnormal or extreme behaviour? He hides it, so I do feel deceived.

Unsure

Notice: If a couple's comfortable with one or both parties regularly viewing porn, they don't send me questions about it. So, the rest of you who watch porn have no need to send in the usual avalanche of letters telling me I "don't get it," that you consider porn as harmless, etc.

To "Unsure:" It's hard to reconcile your feelings that your relationship and sex life are great, with your other feelings of being uncomfortable, undesired, and deceived.

It's time to be honest with yourself and with your guy. It's the extent of his admitted addiction that worries you, as if you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You wonder why he needs it when he has you, why he doesn't share it, hides it, and what will happen over time.... increased obsession, more deceit, etc.

There are no certain answers. You must decide how much and how long you can accept things as they are, and tell him so. There are addiction therapists who deal with this. If he's willing to discover why he needs to watch so much porn, so often, and do so sneakily, you'll have a better chance of dealing with it, together.

I've been in a seven-year, on-off relationship. Last year, I discovered his long, secret "relationship" with a very attractive, single, younger woman. He denied any romance.

I made the mistake of contacting her. He broke up with me.

Six months ago we re-connected. He swears she's just a friend. However, though I spend three to four nights weekly at his place, he doesn't want anyone, especially her, to know. He keeps the blinds shut tight!

He's adamant that we remain a secret. He talks or text messages with her everyday, they go for dinners and play sports together. He brings her around his kids and friends.

I've explained that I feel jealous and left out of his life. Whenever I raise her name he becomes enraged, calling me delusional. He says the "secrecy" about us, is because I keep starting arguments and get upset about this woman.

I feel totally helpless and depressed, crying all the time.

I'm attractive, intelligent, have a successful career. I've invested so much time and energy into this guy I don't know what to do.

Lost

Just re-reading your own words should have you cutting all contact with Mr. Secrets-and-Lies. He's hooked you emotionally, because you let him get away with his mind-twisting manipulation. He's doing you harm.

There's no hope of a long-term relationship here, that's why you're a "secret." After seven years, he knows what buttons to push to keep you coming over for booty, and how to turn your suspicions right back at you.

You invested, but he holds only false promise. Cut your losses.

It's taken a year for my boyfriend's family (Indian) to accept me as his fiancée. He's 23; I'm 31, and white. Traditionally, they'd expect their daughter-in-law to move in with her husband into his family's home. I've stated from early on that I wouldn't ever want to live with his family. He's adamant that we follow his culture and live in their basement apartment, for just a year or two. Or his mother would be deeply upset.

Do I remain firm that we should live separately as "extended family" and risk the mother-in-law's wrath and possible resentment from him? I love him dearly.

Torn

You both knew there'd be cross-cultural differences, so where's the compromise? Unless you're both clear with his parents that it is for a defined and limited time, and unless they acknowledge acceptance, you'd be opening that basement door to much conflict. Then, define clear boundaries for house sharing.