My daughter (26) and her boyfriend (25) are visiting; this is the first time we've met him. While at our house, the boyfriend slaps my daughter on the butt but does it so hard that I hear it in another room.

I asked him to stop hitting her and they both laughed and said it's all in fun. I told them that it isn't funny when I can hear it in another room. My husband told the boyfriend that his behaviour is unacceptable.

I've also noticed that he's very rough with her and constantly hear her say "OW" whenever he's goofing around with her.

Am I over-reacting or is there a real problem here?

When I tried to talk to my daughter about it she seems to think there's nothing to worry about.

Worried

Your daughter's wrong. She's also setting herself up for bigger problems. This guy uses his hands too easily. Roughhousing is an immature way for a guy to express so-called affection, and it's a plain dumb way for a woman to accept it (same is true for a woman who "punches" her guy with enthusiasm too often, especially if he keeps saying "Ow!")

Tell your daughter that even if she thinks it's "nothing" now, if she's proven wrong, it won't be pretty. She deserves a clearer, kinder, softer form of affection.

I've had allergies and chemical sensitivities for over 20 years. Fragrance is a particular problem. I get a headache and cough when exposed to it. We have three children, ages 30 to 40, all married with children. We've asked them several times over the years not to use scented products when they visit us.

The oldest one is completely cooperative. Even my elderly mother-in-law respects my wishes and doesn't wear anything scented. But the other two children don't understand or accept the problem. They say, "Yeah, yeah, we know," but they visit covered in scent.

Not only do I react to it at the time, but also the fragrances get into our furniture and stay behind. Even the scent in some laundry detergents is designed to be strong and long lasting, so it stays in fabrics indefinitely.

I reminded all three recently. The two younger ones got very angry and defensive. The other said his wife likes the smell of their laundry detergent, so they aren't changing to fragrance-free.

These are intelligent, well-educated, loving people, and we normally get along very well. But on this issue, they can't, or won't, hear what I'm saying.

Many fragrance-free products are available now. They are just as convenient and effective as the scented versions. So I don't understand why it's so difficult to accommodate my health problem.

I don't want this to create a rift in the family, but I have to protect my health.

Frustrated

Send them a selection of the fragrance-free stuff, enough to use awhile, and ask that they simply try it, and, if they don't mind it, ask if they'll use it on clothes when they're coming to visit.

Also, ask your doctor if there are antihistamines you can use during the time that you may be exposed. If so, place some sheets on the couches when they come over, take your pills, and show the kids you're trying hard to not let this come between you.

Your husband should also be making his own plea to these adults for their understanding of the situation, so it's not always you having to press for consideration.

My fiancé and I didn't want kids at our wedding (second marriage for both, in our 50's; I have no kids, his son is grown.) The kids who would've been invited are children of adult nieces and nephews. We hardly ever see these children and don't even know them.

I addressed the invitations to "Dick and Jane," not to "Dick and Jane and Family," thinking it's rude to bluntly say "no children." However, I'm receiving RSVP's saying, "Thanks, we'll attend, with our two kids." My fiancé says to let them come and not say anything, but I don't agree. It's another 30 guests, which we can't afford.

How do I politely say their kids aren't welcome? Frustrated Bride

Too late. The "no children" phrase on an invitation is clear; your invitation was not. Now, refusal amounts to rejection, something parents don't take lightly. Nor will their parents, your siblings. Save money elsewhere.