My husband of 15 months and I both have high paying jobs. Yet three days before our wedding, he said he couldn't pay the remaining bills, although I'd contributed to the decorations, flowers, honeymoon air tickets, cakes, dresses, and more.

He was previously living with his parents, working for five years. Meanwhile, I'd bought a condo, paid the mortgage alone, plus normal expenses.

He gave much of his money to his mother, saying he owed her for helping pay off his student loan. The day after the wedding, his parents gave him $30,000, which he said was a gift towards the condo mortgage since I've paid a lot into it.

Then, he said his mother took the $30,000 back, having changed her mind.

She'd previously demanded $15,000 from him, saying he owed her the money from the wedding. However, we paid for it, with our money and guests' cash gifts. He later said she needed the money for her cancer drugs, then, that she'd gambled it away.

Now he says she'd bought a store and needs to pay purchase installments.

I don't know where his money is going, with all these "stories" or lies. Last week, he got angry with me, said I was saying mean things to him and hurt me physically, leaving bruises on my arms. He'd previously hurt me physically, and has threatened me with his "evil side," and how he'll "punish" me.

Frightened, I called police, showed them my bruises and they arrested him. I'm not sure if I should've reported him. I've started a separation. Have we got to an irreparable state?

Devastated

This is a mess, and you did the right thing to stop the threats and the violence. The finances in this relationship have been mired in lies and trickery. It seems he and his mother collude on ways to get you to pay for everything. They may both have gambling problems.

Whatever positives he offered you as a partner, were totally obliterated by his disrespect, manipulation, and abuse. Get counselling soon, to explore how and why you made this unfortunate choice of life partner and stayed with him even this long, given all the deceit and outbursts.

I'm a gay male, 30, in a three-month relationship with a guy, 28. I believe we're both in love. He came here for school, completed his degree, and was awaiting a work permit to stay in Canada.

He was denied and is waiting a second chance. If negative, he'll be forced to return to his home country.

He's asked me to marry him so that we can be together and he can stay here. He doesn't force it upon me or anything.

But I don't know if I'm ready to get married. My family doesn't know about him. I can't marry secretly or surprise them later as we're extremely close, and they'll be devastated.

They don't really accept my homosexuality. Also, he's of a different religion. I'm fairly religious.

Should I marry him in order for him to stay, or is it too soon?

Confused

Too soon, and wrong reason to rush. Listen to your own instincts - you're not ready to marry, you want your parents to accept your choice and lifestyle, you worry about religious differences.... all reasons to get to know someone before marriage.

If he's sent back home, visit him. See him in his own setting, meet his family, and discover if he's in love enough to go through the normal immigration process over time.

FEEDBACK A Daughter-In-Law perspective on in-law problems:

Reader - "I've been reading all the Mothers-in-Law who write you, wanting to know why their advice and comments aren't being welcomed. And wondering why they're shunned by their son's family and have restricted access to their grandkids.

"Well, I tried mightily for 20 years to include my MIL and never received any positive feedback or warm feelings.

"Also, I was raised by my family that when you marry, you are an adult and "you've made your bed, go and lie in it."

"My parents were wonderful and very supportive growing up, but when I wed, they backed off. They never interfered in my marriage and I always appreciated it, as a sign that though I'll make some mistakes, they know I'll learn from them. We had a good relationship because of this.

"Maybe these MILs could emulate my family - wish my MIL would."