My wife of ten years has been talking with an old friend of hers for nine months. He says really sexy things to her and it makes her feel good. It makes me feel bad but she says he's a good guy and I shouldn't be worried.

We have a great life. I don't know what I'd do without her, but do you think I should ask her to stop talking to him? I think he's trying to take her away from me. I'm so stressed!!

Confused

You sign "confused," but you're not. You're worried. That alone should give your wife reason to re-think her flirting with this old pal. This is more than just "old pals catching up." The "sexy stuff " is flattering and fun, but it's also unfair and wrong, if it's making you so stressed.

Ask her to consider the reverse: An old friend, female and flirty, keeps saying you were the hottest guy she knew, she bets you still are, with your dreamy blue eyes....

Your wife may brush that off, but you'll have made your point. It'd be taken as a control gesture if you were to insist she stop talking to him. Instead, suggest you meet him, either in person or online, along with her. Then, in a pleasant chat, you can say that "the sexy stuff" seems a bit thick since after all, she IS your wife.

I've left my husband and moved back in with my parents. I'm only 24. My husband and I dated for five years and even before marrying him three years ago I knew he was very manipulative and would take advantage of anyone to get what he needs.

He came here on a student visa and later I sponsored him. We're of different religions, my parents never accepted him. Once we started to live together, he immediately forced me to work full-time and go to school part-time. After working for a year, I got sick. I got medical benefits but he kept the money. And he took all the money I earned plus took away my bankcard so I had no access to my money.

He brought his father over to live with us though I strongly disagreed. I was still working full time, going to school, and doing all the household work, including taking care of his father.

He maxed out all my credit cards, bought the house under his and his father's name, even though I paid $5000 for the down payment.

Now that I've moved out, he e-mails me that I won't be able to go on without him. He's now unable to pay my credit card bills, but I have no money now. I've contacted a lawyer and will start the divorce process soon.

It's increasingly hard for me to handle all the pressure. Maybe I shouldn't have moved out.

Need Help

Talk to a lawyer fast, and to your parents. They'll all have your best interests at heart. You got enmeshed with this guy very young, so it's not surprising your judgment wasn't sharp or sophisticated. Fortunately, you've seen the light before having children.

Do NOT go back. He's beyond manipulative - an emotionally abusive, fraudulent thief. Going back would put you deeper under his control, and you'd lose the self-respect you've now exercised by leaving.

Move forward - divorce as speedily as possible, and refuse all contact with him. Focus too on your education, to become independent in your own right.

I'm a "daughter-in-law" who was friendly and helpful to my in-laws but was pushed away and criticized. It's now too painful to be involved with them. Also, my husband's "baby" brother and his wife consistently trash us to other family members.

My husband's very successful and works extremely hard, while that couple lives beyond their means and had to borrow thousands from my mother-in-law. The favoritism is too much to handle but she doesn't see it. I'm thankful my husband and I have such a strong relationship but feel badly for him that his mother and brother have shunned us.

Done Trying

You don't need advice; you already have the crucial support you and your husband give each other, that you've done the right thing by pulling away from this hurtful relationship. The negativity's likely more rooted in his brother's jealousy and sibling rivalry, than about you as an in-law.