Several years ago my son and his classmate became like “brothers;” the parents became close, too - barbeques, pool parties etc. We shared views and parenting values. 

Then, the father called and said he was falling in love with me. He mentioned that, on the night the adults went out together, I held his hand. I was shocked. I didn’t touch the guy!

I told him he was falling in love with what I represented: a single, successful, beautiful and sexy woman. I said he needed to focus on his family and the new baby coming.

Afterwards, his wife – my sweet, lovely friend - stopped talking to me, no return calls. I never told her about her husband and I know she doesn’t know the truth. He’d cheated before, so maybe she feared he’d try with me.

Do I ask her if that’s the reason our relationship was disconnected?

Do I leave it alone, or tell her how her husband tried to stick the “love” talk on me?

- Wondering

Don’t make her situation – living with a cheater - any worse. Your rebuff did likely prompt her hubby to tell his “story,” in order to exclude you. 

You don’t say how this affected your son, but if he’s being left out, you could write a note to this woman saying simply that whatever has caused her to drop the friendship shouldn’t interfere with the boys’ getting together, and it needn’t involve the parents socializing together.

The friendship is a loss for you, but, just as you told the father, this couple needs to focus on their marriage, whatever that takes.

My friend/colleague is increasingly obsessive about a toxic work environment. He believes our managers are incompetent and dishonest.  

I work for the same people in a different department and while no situation is perfect, I don’t think he’s done himself any favours by antagonizing management and being confrontational.

I encouraged him to seek out a new position within the company; I’ve also asked him to seek counselling for depression.

He’s since moved to another department with different managers but continues to obsess over how he was turned down for promotions, and plans to return to work in his original department.

This has ruined our friendship; we don’t speak because he’s accused me of not supporting him and of being an enemy.

I’m concerned about his mental health. I don’t think there’s anything more that I can say to him, but I know he reads your column regularly.

- Former Friend

I can’t speak directly to your friend’s problems, because he hasn’t written me his view of them, which may differ from yours. 

From your accounts, you gave good advice and showed that you care about him as a true friend. Counselling was a wise suggestion, since anyone who works everyday in an environment that’s upsetting, and chooses to stay (or can’t afford to leave) would benefit from getting professional help to develop strategies to handle the situation.

Also, if there’s a human resources department, he might consider discussing some of his concerns there; it may be that other employees feel similarly about certain managers and/or policies, and that changes can be made.

For yourself, I recommend that keep a distanced watch on your friend. Your own experience at work is so different from his that you may not be able to relate for now.

But if you see obvious escalation of his mental stress, you may need to offer help getting him to a therapist or doctor.

My daughter, 15, has been out of control for two years - drugs, skipping school, destroying property and violent towards me. I’ve involved children’s advocate agencies; we’re on the third therapist.  

I’m single, with high blood pressure, a recent heart attack and surgery.

My ultimatum: if she didn’t attend school daily, keep therapy appointments, get a part-time job and respect me and my property, she must leave at 16.

Her behaviour has worsened – no school or therapy.

I’m trying to avoid conflict but she’s constantly arguing.

I’m moving in five months, feeling guilty that I’m abandoning her.

- End of Rope

“Abandoning” a child isn’t an option, in my books. 

Push the agencies for more help – e.g. facilities that treat disturbed teenagers, a supervised group home, a therapist who “gets” her.

It’s tough, but you must keep contact and interest in her. You’re all she’s got between hope and desperation.